“Yas, suh,” admitted one parishioner, languidly, “an’ bulieve me, Ah’s payin’ fo’ mah sins.” * * * * * _A Tiresome Job_ (From Minneapolis Journal) LOOK—I must sell my shoe hospital, as I am getting tired of sitting. 6383, Journal. * * * * * “You’re a stingy old tight wad, Bill.” “How do you make that out, Joe?” “Why I heard your wife say that if you owned the Atlantic Ocean you wouldn’t even give a clam a gargle.” * * * * * Old Time Facts A certain young man named McGirth, Was born on the day of his birth, He was married they say On his wife’s wedding day, And he died on his last day on earth. * * * * * Pat was passing a graveyard one day and read on a tombstone, “I still live.” “Be jabbers,” said Pat, “if I was dead sure I’d own up to it.” * * * * * Photographer’s Sign I enlarge your babies and frame them for only $5.00. * * * * * A man I know kicked up a row That stirred the neighbors wrath He walked up to a lady cow And slyly pinched her calf. * * * * * Lost or Stolen (From Chattanooga Times.) $10 REWARD. Black mare stolen. Return to W. W. Bell, Tyner, Tenn. Small wart in ear, tail chewed off at hocks; mane lays on both sides of neck; slightly reel-footed in two feet, one front, one hind; $25 if thief is with horse. * * * * * Mother (to battered son)—George, how many times have I told you to stop and count to a hundred before fighting? George—That’s what I did, Ma, but the other kid’s mother told him to count only ten. * * * * * Quick, Officer, He’s Bleedin’! Why is a woman like an umbrella? Because she is made of ribs and attached to a stick. No, have another guess. Because nobody ever gets the right one. Wrong, swing at it again. Because she fades with age. Almost, pull another. Because she is a good thing to have about the house. Rotten. Here’s the answer: A woman is like an umbrella because she is used to “reign.” * * * * * The Human Race _They sat alone in the moonlight,_ _And she soothed his troubled brow;_ _“Dearest, I know my life’s been fast,_ _But I’m on my last lap now.”_ * * * * * One reason there is so much sadness in the world is that somewhere it is always time to get up in the morning. * * * * * What is a monologue? A conversation between husband and wife. * * * * * The Most Regular Letter