This is a story of the wild parties they had during the time English history was originated. From the looks of this picture they had a wild and wicked time. The hero had six wives; that’s enough to make any picture worth watching. The time is during the reign of Henry the Flivver. Without a doubt he was a rattling good King because he found the Ford that would go fifty miles on a bucket of oats. There’s a mystery about the old birds doing the “toddle” in the second reel; they pull a mean dance and if it hadn’t been for a gang of sub-titles we’d have seen a wicked time. Old Henry as a king was a much better joker. The greatest thing that he ever said was, “If I ever lose my Kingdom, I’ll sell shoe strings on Broadway so I can have my near-beer.” He meant every word of it, too. Old Henry was a real wicked hero, they usually let the villain have the part, but to save the cost of another actor, they had old Henry do it. The old Monarch was fond of playing crap and reading the sixteenth century funny paper. One of his favorites in the funny paper was “Omar, the tentmaker,” who is now still acting foolish on the American stage. This picture is not quite as wicked as “The Queen of She Bare,” but it will do just the same. * * * * * Doesn’t it get your nanny to have a girl say, “Now quit, Charles!” when your name is George? * * * * * Pour la Toddle Oh, these professional propagandists. Can nothing deliver us from them? Our ministerial prolocutors again promulgate the purity dance. They barked and barked at the spaghetti shamble shimmie until Sari Dennishawn tripped in and demonstrated the aestheticism of shoulder shaking. But now the “toddle” comes—that ecstatic little eccentricity that proselytes us all, and makes us do those ticklish little shivers that the deans call “vicious.” “Vicious”—propend that! Is there anything more inspiring than two young people, cheeks pressed close, galloping about in syncopated contortions to the weird moan of a saxophone and the sliding blare of a trombone? Is there anything more uplifting than the sight of a beautiful young girl with her head resting on the shoulder of a greasy-headed lizard who “toddles” around with closed eyes? And the ministers would change all this. They call it “vicious.” Now what do you think of that? * * * * * A certain young lady named Funk, Was tricked into buying a skunk, She tho’t ’twas a cat, till it got on her lap, But now she burns Japanese punk. * * * * * Crookedness never pays in the long run—Look at the corkscrew—out of a job. _Limber Kicks_ Here’s to the Woman A smile for every joy, A tear for every sorrow, A consolation for every grief, An excuse for every fault, A prayer for every misfortune, And an encouragement for every hope. * * * * * Sermonette