“On East Houston Street is the lasagne or ravioli belt where the gay boys from out of town take the leading ladies of the jobber plants out for a wild evening,” writes O. O. McIntyre. “You know the gay out-of-town man. He carries a patent cigar lighter and has a sterling silver monogrammed belt buckle and, oh, yes, a handkerchief with a purple border. His eyes are blue and he wrinkles them in a merry twinkle, at least he thinks it is a merry twinkle, but it’s just the sap oozing out. The Leading Lady knows Broadway because she reads Broadway Brevities and her theory of life in the abstract is that Ladies Must Live. After the first quart of red ink, he whispers a story the boys told him in front of the Bon Ton Store before he left for the east. She pulls the two gun, hair-trigger Bill Hart stuff and says ‘Naughty Man.’ To complete the evening and display the ultimate in savoir faire he calls loudly to the waiter: ‘L’addition, s’il vous plait garcon.’ They ride to one of the Oranges in a quick-firing metered taxi and he returns to the McAlpin to write the wife and kiddies of his lonesomeness.” * * * * * New York _This is the old famous New York poem, credited to a former collector of the port as author, but denied. However, you’ll note that every word carries a wallop and so we herewith, with your kind permission, republish it_: Vulgar of manner, overfed, Over dressed, and underbred, Heartless, Godless, hell’s delight, Rude by day, lewd by night, Bedwarfed the man, enlarged the brute, Ruled by Jew and prostitute Purple robed and pauper clad Raving, rioting, money mad— A squirming herd of Mammon’s mesh, A wilderness of human flesh. Crazed by avarice, lust and rum— New York! Thy name’s “Delirium.” * * * * * Farm Life “I see you are keeping your hired man all right now, Ezra.” “Yep, keeping him all right.” “He seems satisfied, too. How’d you do it?” “Did everything he asked me to. Let him work only four hours and eat with the family. He got to complaining of dull evenings, so every night I give him the use of a car of his own, and the money to spend, to go to the movies in town.” “That ought to satisfy him.” “It didn’t, though. He complained of his room, and so I coaxed my son to trade rooms with him. Then he seemed more settled like.” “I notice you’ve cut off your whiskers, Ezra.” “Yeah. Some more of that hired man’s notions.” “How’s that?” “He complained they tickled him every time I kissed him good-night.” * * * * * Wah, Wah! “Golly, Moses! Dey got strawberries and cherries and all kinds o’ fruit covered wit candy. What kind shall ah git?” “Git a choc’lat covered watermillion.” * * * * * Sic ’em, Tige! “What you need is a tonic to sharpen your appetite,” said the Doctor. “By the way, what is your occupation?”