Cooks -- Fiction; Science fiction; Short stories; Space ships -- Fiction; War stories
The same as we did, of course. We laughed. The Old Man and I, we burst
out in a guffaw and rocked till we almost split our surcingles. And
Slops laughed, too, in that piping little squeal of his, though even
through his laughter he was gasping spasmodically, "I--I tried to warn
you, sir. I'm _so_ sorry! But you see it's only a garbage incinerator."
But he who laughs last, laughs last. And if our foe had been despicable
before, he was a raging fury now. He did not even stop to scrape the
last clinging turnip-top from his jacket. He spun to his subordinates
and screamed, "Come! We are finished here! Back to our ship! I'll show
these Earthmen one does not insult a Jovian commander with impunity!"
And his face a thundercloud of wrath, he dashed from the galley. We
heard him calling his men, heard them exiting through the airlock, and
then--silence again.
* * * * *
It was then, his paroxysms of mirth stifled by sober recollection, that
the Old Man turned and said, "Well, it was fun while it lasted. But
it's all over now, Dugan. Call the men together. This is the last act,
and we might as well all face it together."
But before I could leave the room, Slops clutched my arm with fingers
tense and hot as live wires.
"No, Joey! Don't go! I need your help. And yours, Skipper! Hurry! We
haven't a minute to lose!"
I stared at the Old Man and he at me. "H-huh?" said the two of us.
"Help? Help for what?"
"Oh, don't _talk_ so much!" bleated Andy. "_Work!_ Get this garbage out
of here--like this!"
And recklessly he plunged both arms into the channel of the
incinerator, recklessly hurled it about the previously immaculate floor
of the galley. As he worked, he panted: "An incinerator, yes ...
but ... it was a good cannon ... in its ... day. It will still work. I
cleaned ... and oiled it ... and connected it to the charger. _It still
shoots!_"
_Shoots!_ That was all we had to hear. We fell all over ourselves
trying to get an armload of that goo. I never thought I'd live to see
the day I'd go fond and blissful over a gallon of boiled noodles, but
that's just what happened. I dug in, and so did the skipper. In less
time than I've taken to tell it, we had that incinerator-cannon empty,
swabbed out and ready for use as a cannon-incinerator.
Then the captain clapped a hand to his forehead.
"Omigawd--I clean forgot! The firing-plate! There ain't no vision-field
for this gun!"
"Oh, yes there is!" cried Captain Slops. "Over your head, there--the
galley-vent. I--I removed the atmosphere-duct and installed a
vision-field. Use the crossed wires for a target centering device."
I flung open the vent. As he had said, the vent had been converted into
a perfect firing-plate. There before me, a fat and gladsome target, was
the largest of the enemy ships which had captured us, the flagship of
Ras Thuul's fleet. As I watched, I saw the commander and his boarding
party re-enter their own craft.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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