It may even play up to a rudimentary desire to be
not merely the agent of an instinct but the inspiration of an
individual. Cleverness in a woman is very often only the objective
aspect of fidelity to an ideal.
"You may imagine I said nothing of this to the girl beside me. Instead I
asked her when she was going to get married, and she said 'By and by.'
When he came, not before. It was obvious that she awaited her destiny
without misgiving and that she was at that stage when women really love
vicariously or not at all. For she suddenly demanded if I was going to
take Artemisia away to England when my ship sailed. We had turned out of
the noisy _Via Egnatia_ and were climbing a steep, narrow street leading
toward the citadel, a street of an extraordinary variety of
architecture, whose houses lunged out over the roadway in coloured
balconies and bellying iron grilles. And the whole barbaric vista led
the eye inexorably upward till it caught the culminating point of a
lofty and slender minaret springing from a clump of cypresses and
glittering white in the morning sun. The street itself was still in cool
shadow, and at the doors, kneeling upon the fantastic little _pavés_ of
mosaic, or rubbing pieces of polished brass, were bare-footed women with
picturesque dresses and formidable ankles.
"Yes, she wanted to know, but I discovered just then that a man may
work himself up to a certain high resolution without feeling either
proud or happy. One seems to go into great affairs in a kind of
preoccupied daze. It is possible the Latin, the Celt, and the Slav have
the power to visualize themselves objectively when they assume an heroic
character. We are singularly deficient in this respect, I observe. No
Englishman is a hero to himself. And a merciless analyst might go so far
as to say that my entire behaviour was no more estimable than M.
Kinaitsky's, that I had but one selfish motive, which was to protect
myself from a woman's contempt. Viewed at a distance, I believe there
was more in me than that. There is a radiant glow about it all, for me,
which convinces that for once I had laid hold of the real thing. A
magnificent memory! It is something, I submit, to cherish in one's heart
even a solitary episode untarnished by any ignoble shame.
"'You shall see, my dear,' I said, enigmatically, and then the carriage
stopped with a jerk and she appeared in a suddenly opened doorway,
bursting out, as it were, holding herself back with her hands on the
posts and devouring me with a look of extraordinary questing delight. It
was as though she wished to divine the very roots of my emotions. I sat
there, a tongue-tied fool, until Pollyni pushed me gently. Why didn't I
get out? So I got out and stood before her.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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