But as a rule, he hardly talked at all; and so neither Theresa nor
their fashionable acquaintances observed that at this time--in the very
crisis of his happiness--a great change was coming over him.
There is a kind of boundless submission, a jealous desire to serve and
minister to a lover, which may convert its object into a slave or a
sort of powerless chattel, since it leaves him without a moment's
freedom or a fragment of independence. He has but to express a casual
wish, and instantly a dozen new plans are broached to secure what he is
supposed to desire, and he is overwhelmed by a perfect storm of
affectionate discussion. Then, too, there is that species of
confidential intimacy, which works its way into the very guarded and
secret chambers of the soul, which divines hidden motives and brings
into the light the most cherished private thoughts; and this is apt to
be embarrassing enough to a man accustomed to live his own life locked
in his own ideas.
Such was now the case with Mansana. In the course of a few days he
began to be affected by a sense of satiety; an intense exhaustion fell
upon him, in the reaction from the alternate transports of despair and
happiness through which he had lately passed, and added to his nervous
irritability. There were moments when he shrank, not only from general
society but from Theresa herself. He suffered the keenest self-reproach
for what seemed to him black ingratitude, and with his customary
frankness he finally confessed the whole truth to the princess. He gave
her to understand what he had endured before their engagement, and how
nearly he had succumbed to his mental anguish, and he pointed out that
this surfeit of social gaiety and amusement was the exact opposite of
that which he needed. His endurance was strained to its limits; he
could bear no more.
Theresa was touched to the quick by his words. In a whirl of
self-accusation she proposed the remedy: Rest for him, travel for
herself. She would take a trip to Rome and to Hungary to make her
arrangements for the wedding, whilst he might go to a small mountain
fortress in the South, where he could exchange for a couple of months
with an officer who would be glad of the chance of staying at Ancona.
With her usual impetuous energy she managed to get all the preparations
completed in hot haste, and in two days both of them had left the city.
They parted with an emotion which on her side was affecting, and on
his, too, was genuinely sincere, for her passionate devotion touched
his feelings deeply.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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