"Like the sea, do you say? No, no, no, not like the sea. The sea is
only an eye. No, dear, not like the sea; there were warm depths and
hiding-places in his nature such as the sea has not. One had a sense of
intimate security and comfort with him. He was capable of the most
self-forgetting devotion. Listen further. 'Karl Mander was chosen,' he
wrote, 'chosen as a forerunner before the people's own time should
come--chosen because he was good and blameless; his message to futurity
was not soiled in his soul.'"
"That is beautiful."
"Child, can you imagine how I was carried away? I had had a vague
feeling that the surroundings of my life were unreal; here was
something that was real.
"And he himself! We women do not love that which is lofty merely
because it is lofty; no, there must be a certain weakness
too--something that appeals to our help; we must feel a mission. And
you cannot conceive how powerful and yet powerless he was."
"How powerless, mother?"
"Well, when he came--in that condition----"
"Yes, of course."
"And his way of expressing himself. He never found the right words
first, he stopped and changed them even as they poured out. And, in the
meantime, if he caught something up in his hand he stood there with it.
If it were the tumbler--and it generally was--he grasped it tightly,
and so, because of it, would keep his hand still for a quarter of an
hour at a time. His personality was so pathetically simple, or how
shall I express it? He was a seer, not a prophet--yes, I told you that
before. But seers are quite different, they don't know themselves so
well, they have absolutely no vanity. Heavens, how I longed to go and
take off his cuffs! One could see that he was not accustomed to wear
them: some one must have told him that it would not do to make a speech
from a platform without cuffs on. He had crumpled and tumbled them;
they had come unfastened, or perhaps never had been fastened; they got
in the way and slipped over his hands. He struggled with them. There
was something wrong about the waistcoat too; it was buttoned wrong, I
believe, and puckered up at one side, so that it showed one of his
braces--to me at any rate, where I sat looking at him sideways and with
the light full upon him. Ah, that mighty creature with the stooping
head! The tears rose in my eyes. Who would not have been willing to
follow him?
"I felt as deeply as it could be felt that _he must be helped_. I did
not know that I was to help him; I only knew that he must be helped and
sustained."
A rush of memory so overpowered her that she could not go on, she
turned away.
PART III
The daughter saw her mother in a new light. Surely this was not she who
ordered and managed her house, who sent wise letters to her, with
earnest, well-weighed words! How her passion had transfigured and
beautified her!
"But how did you feel, dearest mother?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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