England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
‘Oh!’ Agnes gave a cry of remonstrance and protest. It did not hurt her
to be told not to speak to him any more--but not to go to little Emmy!
She was not sure herself that it was all for little Emmy’s sake, and
this made her still more unhappy, but not willing to relinquish the
expedition. Sister Mary Jane, however, took no notice of the cry. She
put a heap of exercises into Agnes’s hands to be corrected. ‘They must
all be done to-night,’ she said, calculating with benevolent severity
that this would occupy all the available time till bedtime. ‘One nail
drives out another,’ she said to herself, being an accomplished person,
with strange tongues at her command. And thus she sent the culprit away,
exhausted with tears and supplied with work. ‘I will send you some tea
to St. Monica, where you can be quiet,’ she said. And there Agnes toiled
all the evening over her exercises, and had not a moment to spare.
‘Occupation, occupation,’ said the Sister to herself; ‘that is the only
thing. She will do very well if she has no time to think.’
But was that the ideal life? I doubt if Sister Mary Jane thought so; but
she was old enough to understand the need of such props, which Agnes was
still young enough to have indignantly repudiated. For her part, Agnes
felt that a little more thought would save her. If she could get vain
imaginations out of her head, and those scraps of poetry, and bits of
foolish novels, and replace them with real thought--thought upon serious
subjects, something worthy the name--how soon would all those confusing,
tantalising shadows flee away! But, in the meantime, it is undeniable
that the girl left this interview with a sense of relief, such as it is
to be supposed, is one of the chief reasons why confession continues to
hold its place, named or nameless, in all religious communions more or
less. Sister Mary Jane was not the spiritual director of the community,
though I think the place would have very well become her; but it was
undeniable that the mind of Agnes was lightened after she had poured
forth her burdens; also that her sin did not look quite so heinous as it
had done before; also that the despair which had enveloped her, and of
which the consciousness that she must never so sin again formed no
inconsiderable part, was imperceptibly dispelled, and the future as well
as the past made less gloomy. Perhaps, if any very searching inspection
had been made into those recesses of her soul which were but imperfectly
known to Agnes herself, it might have been read there that there was no
longer any crushing weight of certainty as to the absolute cessation of
the sin; but that was beyond the reach of investigation. Anyhow, she had
no time to think any more. Never had exercises so bad come under the
young teacher’s inspection; her brain reeled over the mis-spellings, the
misunderstandings. Healthy human ignorance, indifference, opacity,
desire to get done anyhow, could not have shown to greater advantage.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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