England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
moment had come at which they must obey the fiat of society, and meet to
part.
He walked into the room, his heart thumping with a muffled sound against
his bosom--not like the heart-beats of young emotion--heavier, less
rapid, painful throbs. She was seated in her usual place by the fire, a
little table beside her with a lamp upon it, and some books. She had her
knitting in her hand. She did not rise to receive him, but raised her
eyes in all the old friendly sweetness, and held out her hand. She was
agitated too, but she had more command over herself. There are cases in
which a man may, and a woman must not, show emotion.
‘Well?’ she said, in a voice with a falter in it, taking no notice of
his absence, or of any reason why they should not meet. ‘Well?’ half a
question, half a salutation, betraying only in its brevity that she was
not sufficiently at her ease for many words.
He went up and stood before her, putting out his hands to the fire with
that want of warmth which all unhappy people feel. He could not smile or
take no notice as she tried to do. ‘I have come to ask you what is the
meaning of this?’ he said; ‘and whether there is no resource. If it must
be----’
‘The meaning of--what?’ she said, faltering; then again a pause: ‘I have
nothing to do with it, Mr. Beresford; I do not understand it. These
people speak a strange language.’
‘Don’t they?’ he cried; ‘a vile language, made for other ears than
yours. Are we to be ruled by it, you and I, to whom it is a jargon of
the lower world?’
She did not make any answer; her fingers trembled over her knitting, but
she went on with it. That he should speak so, gave her a little
consolation; but she knew very well, as perhaps he also knew, that there
was nothing for it but to yield ‘What harm can I do you?’ he said, with
a kind of aimless argument. ‘I am not a man to harm people by the mere
sight of me, am I? I am not new and untried, like a stranger whom people
might be doubtful of. All my antecedents are known. What harm can I do
you? or the boys--perhaps they think I will harm the boys.’
‘Oh, do not talk so,’ she said; ‘you know no one thinks of harm in you.
It is because everything that is unusual must be wrong; because--but why
should we discuss it, when there is no reason in it?’
‘Why should we obey it, when there is no reason in it?’ he said.
‘Alas! we cannot help ourselves now; when a thing is said, it cannot be
unsaid. After this we could not be the same. We should remember, and be
conscious.’
‘Of what?’
‘Oh, of--nothing, except what has been said. Don’t be angry with me. I
have so many things to think of--the boys first of all; there must be no
talking for them to hear. Don’t you think,’ she said, with tears in her
eyes, which glistened and betrayed themselves, yet with an appealing
smile, ‘that least said is soonest mended? To discuss it all is
impossible. If you could come--now and then--as other people come.’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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