England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
left those mysterious glories of life, day after day and week after
week, to go and ask for little Emmy. How wonderful this was! The
devotion of Sister Mary Jane, the loving-kindness of Miss Cherry, faded
before such an example; for they had not the world at their feet as this
young paladin evidently had.
This was how the first chapter of the story came about. It opened her
eyes (Agnes thought) to nobleness undreamed of, and for the first few
weeks the universe itself had grown more bright to her. Could it be
possible, then, that in ‘the world’ itself, which the Sisters had
abjured--in that splendid glorious ‘society’ which even ascetic books
spoke of as something too full of enhancements and seductions to be
resisted by any but the most heroic, there were still opportunities of
living the highest unselfish life, to the glory of God and the comfort
of man? When Agnes found that this ideal hero of hers had thoughts less
exalted in his bosom--that so small a motive as the wish to see herself
and talk to her, had something to do with his devotion to the orphan,
her visionary mind received a shock. Probably, had Oswald’s enthusiasm
been for another, she would have been permanently disquieted by the
discovery; but there is something strangely conciliatory in the fact
that it is one’s self who is admired and followed. Such trivial emotions
detract from the perfection of an ideal character; but still it is a
much more easy thing to forgive your own lover than anyone else’s. And
the more he sought her, the more Agnes’s heart, in spite of herself,
inclined towards the man who could be thus moved. The ideal stole away,
but so insensibly, in rose-coloured clouds, that she had not discovered
the departure of her first admiration and wonder before something else
stole in. It was not all goodness, nobleness, Christian charity,
perhaps, that moved him; but what was it? Love, which in its way is
divine too. Only after this altogether new influence had made itself
felt did doubts appear, making a chaos in her mind. Were his sentiments
as true as she had first thought? Was it right to counterfeit goodness,
even in the name of love? Was not, after all, the life of the Sisters,
the life of sacrifice, more noble than the other smiling life, of which
he was the emblem? Was it not a mean thing to go back from that, and all
one’s high thoughts of it, to the common romance of a story-book? Might
not this romance lead back again to those vulgar beaten paths out of
which Agnes had supposed herself to have escaped? And, ah! was it true
after all? this was the refrain which kept coming back. Was it love and
not levity? Was he seeking her seriously, in honour and truth; or was it
possible that he was not noble at all, seeking her only for his own
amusement? These thoughts shook Agnes to the bottom of her soul. They
were like convulsions passing over her, tearing her spirit asunder. She
went on with her work and all her religious exercises, and nobody found
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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