Booth, Catherine Mumford, 1829-1890; Salvation Army -- Great Britain -- Biography
'Don't be silly,' said the Devil in her heart. 'You have been as good as
saved all your life. You have always wanted to do right. How can you
expect such a sudden change as if you were a great big drunkard? It's
absurd.'
'But my _heart_ is as bad as the heart of a big sinner,' cried poor
Katie in an agony of fear. 'I have been as bad inside, if not in my
outward actions and words.'
And then she took hold of God in faith. 'Lord, I must be converted. I
cannot rest till Thou hast changed my whole nature; do for me what Thou
dost do, for the thieves and drunkards.'
But for six weeks it seemed as if God did not hear her cry. She grew more
and more unhappy. All her past sins rose before her: those bursts of
temper when she was at school, those wrong thoughts and feelings. Yes,
the Bible was true when it said: 'The heart is deceitful above all things
and desperately wicked.'
Katie argued, too, like this: 'I cannot recollect any time or place where
I claimed Salvation and the forgiveness of my sins; if God _has_
saved me, He would surely have made me certain of it. Anyway, I must and
will know it. I must have the assurance that I am God's child.'
Unable to rest, she would pace her room till two o'clock in the morning,
and would lie down at last, with her Bible and hymn-book under her
pillow, praying that God would Himself tell her that her sins were
forgiven. At last, one morning, as she woke, she opened her hymn-book,
and read these words:--
My God, I am Thine,
What a comfort divine,
What a blessing to know that my Jesus is mine.
Now she had read and sung these lines scores of times before, but they
came this morning with a new power to her soul.
'I am Thine!' 'My Jesus is mine!' she exclaimed. 'Lord, it is true!--I do
believe it! My sins are forgiven. I belong to Thee!' and her whole soul
was filled with light and joy. She now possessed what she had been
seeking all these weeks--the assurance of Salvation! And then what do you
think she did? She threw on a wrapper, and, without waiting to dress,
hurried across to her mother's room, and tapped at the door.
'Come in,' said her mother's voice; and Katie, her face shining with joy,
burst into the room. 'Mamma, mamma, I am a child of God! My sins are
forgiven--Jesus is my Saviour!' she cried, flinging herself into her
mother's arms. And this was the same Katie, who had been so shy and
backward that she had never before dared to speak about her spiritual
anxieties, even to her mother! Ah! what a change real conversion, or
change of heart, had made.
For the next six months Katie was so happy that she felt as if she were
walking on air. 'I used to tremble,' she tells us, 'and even long to die,
lest I should back-slide or lose the sense of God's favour.'
But as time went on she learned, as we all have to do, to walk by faith,
not by sight, and to serve and follow the Saviour whether she had happy
feelings or not.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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