Bildungsromans; English fiction -- 20th century; Women musicians -- Fiction
In the bedroom of her cottage at High Wood, Catherine stood in front
of the cheval glass and eyed herself critically. It seemed to her in
that moment that a miracle had happened, a door unlocked to her that
she thought would be for ever closed, a dream which she had scarcely
dared to glimpse, even from afar, brought suddenly and magically
within her grasp. A miracle indeed, and yet the very ease with which
she acclimatized herself to new conditions gave almost the impression
that the miracle had been to some extent anticipated, that she had so
prepared and organized her soul that she could slip into the new scheme
of things with a minimum of perturbation.
Standing before the mirror, she was surprised at her own calmness.
And the more she pondered, the more stupendous seemed the miracle,
and consequently the more amazing her own attitude. Already it seemed
that she was beginning to take for granted what a day before had been
a dream so far from fulfilment that she had scarcely dared to admit it
into coherent form. A day ago the idea that her affection for Verreker
was reciprocated seemed the wildest phantasy: she had not dared even
to think of such a thing hypothetically, for fear it should grow into
her life as something confidently expected: yet dim and formless it
had lurked behind all her thoughts and ideas; shadowy and infinitely
remote, it had guided and inspired her with greater subtlety than she
knew. But now it need no longer be dim and formless: it entered boldly
into the strong light of day, into the definition of word and sentence:
she could ask herself plainly the question, “Does he love me?” because
deep down in her heart she knew that he did. Her instinct told her
that he did, but she was quite prepared to doubt her own instinct. She
did not know that her feminine instinct in such a matter was nearly
infallible. But she was no longer afraid of treating herself to the
random luxury of thinking and dreaming.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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