Bildungsromans; English fiction -- 20th century; Women musicians -- Fiction
“Of course he doesn’t love me,” she went on. “I know that, though he
thinks I don’t.... I shouldn’t be at all surprised if he loves you.”
Pause.
“Though of course you and he would never get on at all well together.
You’re not suited.... Now we (he and I) get on splendidly. I help
him with his literary work. The other day he said to me (I had just
finished typing at his dictation): ‘Helen, it’s just splendid to think
that you do all this stuff because you take a living interest in it and
not on my account!’ I was frightfully pleased: I think it was the best
compliment he’s ever paid me.”
Pause.
“Though of course,” a little wistfully, “it wasn’t at all true. I don’t
take a living interest in it at all: I only do it to please him. And I
can only please him by making him think I’m not doing it to please him.
That’s why I say he’s stupid.”
Pause.
“I suppose I shall see you again sometime?”
“Possibly. I don’t know.... I don’t think I shall come again.”
“I hope you will.... I suppose you like him? Well, so do I. That ought
to be something in common between us.”
Pause.
“Oughtn’t it?”
Catherine did not answer. But Helen kissed her very affectionately. And
at that moment Verreker entered in motor-cap and goggles.
“We’ll catch the 9.40 at the junction,” he said. “Come along!”
A four-seater car stood in the courtyard.
“Get in the back seat,” he said gruffly.
§ 5
As the car drew them through the sweet-scented country lanes Catherine
lolled amongst the heavy cushions and pondered. Once again she had
the feeling that had comforted her when she first realized that her
musical career was at an end. It was the feeling that she was not going
to be very disappointed. Once again, too, she was subtly disappointed
at not being disappointed.... Helen had said that he was stupid. That
remark set in motion a whole avalanche of unspoken ideas that had been
gathering patiently about her for some time. She had not noticed them
then, but now as they came tumbling about her ears she perceived them
in bulk as a sudden new revelation. They shifted Verreker to a less
hallowed perspective. The halo left him and he became a man. And a
stupid man at that. She began to sum him up dispassionately, and was
amazed at the results she came to....
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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