Bildungsromans; English fiction -- 20th century; Women musicians -- Fiction
With strange instinct she sensed his antagonism.
“I believe you’re angry with me,” she said. Yet all the while she was
thinking: “I suppose there’ll be an inquest and a big fuss and all
that. And the furniture and stuff will have to be sold.”
No answer.
“You are,” she repeated, and was surprised by her own persistence.
After all, she didn’t care twopence whether he was angry with her or
not. Only she would have been gratified if he _were_ angry with
her. It was something to come into a man’s life enough to make him
angry. And it was rather an amusing pastime, this flirting with George
Trant.
“Perhaps I am,” he said coldly.
“Why?” It would interest her to know why. At any rate she might as well
know why.
“You’ve disappointed me.”
That was all. It satisfied her. He had evidently been building ideals
around her. He had dreamed dreams in which she had been epic and
splendid and magnificent. He had thought of her sufficiently for her
to have the power of disappointing him. She was gratified. After all,
she did not like him, so there was no reason why she should mind
disappointing him. And he had paid her the subtle compliment of being
disappointed with her.
She did not particularly want to know how she had disappointed him. Yet
the conversation seemed incomplete without the question: “In what way?”
She could feel him turning round to face her.
“Various ways,” he said vaguely, but his tone seemed to invite her to
pursue the subject. For that very reason she kept silent. It was not a
matter of sufficient importance for her to ask the same question twice
over. And if he _did_ want her to repeat her question, that was
all the more reason for her not doing so.
After a moment’s silence he said: “You’ve changed a good deal since I
last knew you.”
“Yes, haven’t I?” There was an almost triumphant jauntiness in her
voice.
“And you haven’t changed for the better, either,” he went on.
“That’s what _you_ say.”
“Precisely. That’s what _I_ say.” He was trying to be sarcastic,
yet she knew that he was feeling acutely miserable. There was
something in his voice that told her he was feeling acutely miserable.
And she had no pity. She was even exhilarated. He was miserable
about her. In some way she was invested with the power of making him
miserable.
“Oh, I can’t tell you----” he began bitterly, and stopped.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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