Bildungsromans; English fiction -- 20th century; Women musicians -- Fiction
“Look here,” she said, “you remember that letter you wrote me from
Manchester? You enclosed it in Helen’s letter. _Do_ you remember
it?”
“Yes,” he said.
“What did you mean by it?”
He seemed puzzled.
“Well, it’s a long time ago, and I scarcely remember what it was
like.... I dare say it was rather fatuously clever: I used to think
myself a dab hand at letter-writing in those days.”
That was as reasonable an explanation as she could have expected. She
switched on to another line of questioning.
“You remember that time we were on the balcony at the Forest
Hotel--just before the others came up?”
“Yes.”
“You--I believe--you were trying to apologize to me--for something.
Now, what was it?”
He seemed embarrassed as well as puzzled.
“Well,” he began hesitatingly, “of course I may have been
wrong--probably I was--but I always understood--I mean I had gathered
that--that there had been a sort of--er, misunderstanding between us.”
“Why should you apologize for that?”
“Well, if there had been one it might have been my own fault. So I
thought I’d apologize----”
“From whom did you gather there had been a misunderstanding?”
“I believe it was Helen who----”
“Oh, I see.”
He emboldened himself to start a cross-examination of her.
“May I ask if there ever was a misunderstanding?” he said.
Catherine lied, splendidly, regally, with magnificent disdain. It
was clearly an opportunity to demonstrate (to herself chiefly) how
completely the tables had been turned.
“I’m sure I don’t know what the misunderstanding you’ve been talking
about is or was supposed to be. But so far as I am aware there never
was such a thing.”
He tried to grasp all the significations of this. Then he resumed the
enquiry.
“Why have you been asking me about these things?”
“Merely curiosity,” she replied, with an undercurrent of implication
which said: “Do you suppose for one moment that my reasons could have
been any other than those of mere curiosity?”
Yet he wilfully ignored the implication. All day in the stuffy
accountant’s office in Leadenhall Street he kept pausing in his work
and treating himself to the riotous luxury of the thought: “I don’t
believe it _was_ curiosity. Why should she have asked about
that letter? And besides, Helen sticks to it she was in love with
me in those days! After all, it’s extremely unlikely it was only
curiosity.... Of course, she had to say it was. She couldn’t easily
have said anything else. At least ...”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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