A Tanagra spots it: a Chinese painting: a little rustic jar that
seems Etruscan or may be from Peru. Someone is there. Not I. I am not
looking, in this torrent maze, on my own future. For the man is not I.
He is dark. The lamp, blue Persian with a silk turret-shade clouded
like ivory, shadows half his face, a long and from the forehead
tapering face, and lights an eye that looks up now from his book.
The black hair curls on the forehead in a rounded bang: like one of
the saints on the great Porch at Chartres. A noble face: the nose is
straight and the mouth warm-lipped and large. Brow and curled hair give
saintliness, the nose is resolute and the mouth is subtle. A variance
of authority. He rises. He is tall. His eyes become attentive and less
thoughtful. A regal man, now at his ease in his home, in the negligee
of a moire braided jacket. There is someone else just come into the
room. The clear blue of the eyes is questioning. Can this someone else
be I? What folly! Yet, if I can see this meditative man, why should
he not see me? What a vague mass is the newcomer. I feel, rather than
know it for another man. If I look square for this new presence, I
shall lose the master of the room.--_Watch the master close!_ The sharp
question in his eyes hardens at this other in the room, as at some
ominous intruder. Immobile his face: he reaches out a hand. His eyes
do not lower to what is in his hand. I feel his hand flex and relax and
drop what was in it. Only his eyes are clear, gazing at this other in
the room: and yet straight at me, as if they gazed at me! The eyes fill
with bitterness, with horror that grows fixed and leaves his eyes....
They die in resignation ... and their horror creeps now over my own
flesh. His hands fly above his head: so very empty, so very white and
tremulous his hands. A knife in his breast. And all is gone....
* * * * *
... Flowing rivers of faces, of lives saying: “We are steadfast, we are
solid,” as they stream and faint. Now, the familiar blank before my
eyes. The normal street ... I smile at my fancy. I laugh aloud, walking
now commonly. I call to my relief my easy rational knowledge.
“No wonder if to-night you suffer from an erratic gush of energy.
Hyperæsthesia. Here is Mildred’s house. This confidence ... call it
euphoria, for that talk with your parents was a blow, no doubt. Go
ahead. A mastering passion is right to admit no doubt. Bad names can’t
spoil the splendor of my sureness. Go ahead. Win her. What lies beyond
this radiant mist? _Go on._”
I rang the bell and gave my hat and coat to the calming butler.
_d_
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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