Houses, sky, the shuttling tissue of men and women past me are the dark
wall and dark blood of a womb. I airless and immobile within it, still
believe in Birth.
Doctor Stein ... the revered Doctor Stein, whose interest in me at the
laboratory has so warmed my heart, is coming down my steps. I am beyond
surprise. Within this mothering darkness of my life words and customs
and conventions move quite nimbly. So I greet Doctor Stein. I observe
how his gentle face is a bit clumsied by his embarrassment:
“I just thought I’d drop in. I knew, though I’d said ‘Come,’ you were
not coming to see me.”
“Doctor Stein, I didn’t dare.... I was afraid you’d forgotten that
casual invitation.”
“Just so. So _I_ came.”
“Won’t you come back, Doctor Stein?”
He followed me docilely, and took the chair I pointed out for him,
sprawling a bit with his legs out, priming his pipe, and his eyes
puzzled at the curtains over my book shelves.
“You cover your books, when you need to think deep?” he asked.
“This time I did. I never have before.”
He puffed hard at his pipe, clenching the bowl in his fist. A naïf
discomfort faintly fretted his natural ease. His fine mouth moved, his
gray thick brows lowered over his eyes, and in his eyes there was a
twinkle as if this was a holiday for him, and he a bit rusty at it.
“Oh,” I exclaimed, as the man’s playful candor shone to me not at war
but at one with his limpid mind. “Oh, I am so glad, so glad that you
cared to drop in!”
“I’ve been getting up courage to come, for a long time.” He puffed.
I felt no guilt as he watched me. Let this spirit which had pierced
to the soul of matter and proved its mastery by the act of birth ...
let him see me clear, as he saw everything. He was above judging, he
was a creator! If I was this horrible enigma from which the mankind
in me shrank and for which it had no word, let him see: he who had
captured in a formula the passion of gestation, would know, if he saw
me clear, some law to hold me, some law to put me back into the warmth
of human life. So I faced his eyes with open eyes. And I basked in his
intelligence, as in a sun.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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