It appeared that one of them, going to the edge of the sea in
expectation of the fireworks, had noticed, not the darkness of the
body, but the pallor of the face, in the water not far out from the
rocks. He had waded in and drawn the body ashore. Dead Paul lay there
deaf and indifferent to this account of his own finding.
'No one can explain....'
Ah, no! and he, who could have explained, was beyond the reach of
their curiosity. Julian looked at the useless lips, unruffled even by
a smile of sarcasm. He had known Paul all his life, had learnt from
him, travelled with him, eaten with him, chaffed him lightly, but
never, save in that one moment when he had gripped the priest by the
wrist and had looked with steadying intention into his eyes, had their
intimate personalities brushed in passing. Julian had no genius for
friendship.... He began to see that this death had ended an existence
which had run parallel with, but utterly walled off from, his own.
In shame the words tore themselves from him,--
'Had he any trouble?'
The men slowly, gravely, mournfully shook their heads. They could not
tell. The priest had moved amongst them, charitable, even saintly; yes,
saintly, and one did not expect confidences of a priest. A priest was
a man who received the confidences of other men. Julian heard, and,
possessed by a strong desire, a necessity, for self-accusation, he said
to them in a tone of urgent and impersonal Justice, as one who makes a
declaration, expecting neither protest nor acquiescence,--
'I should have inquired into his loneliness.'
They were slightly startled, but, in their ignorance, not
over-surprised, only wondering why he delayed in giving the order
to move the body on to the stretcher and carry it up to the church.
Farther up the coast, the rockets continued to soar, throwing out
bubbles of green and red and orange, fantastically tawdry. Julian
remained staring at the unresponsive corpse, repeating sorrowfully,--
'I should have inquired--yes, I should have inquired--into his
loneliness.'
He spoke with infinite regret, learning a lesson, shedding a particle
of his youth. He had taken for granted that other men's lives were as
promising, as full of dissimulated eagerness, as his own. He had walked
for many hours up and down Paul's study, lost in an audible monologue,
expounding his theories, tossing his rough head, emphasising,
enlarging, making discoveries, intent on his egotism, hewing out his
convictions, while the priest sat by the table, leaning his head on
his hand, scarcely contributing a word, always listening. During those
hours, surely, his private troubles had been forgotten? Or had they
been present, gnawing, beneath the mask of sympathy? A priest was a man
who received the confidences of other men!
'Carry him up,' Julian said, 'carry him up to the church.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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