England and Oxford were put aside; not forgotten, not indistinct, not
faded like Herakleion was wont to fade, but merely put aside, laid away
like winter garments in summer weather. He was once more in the kingdom
of stucco and adventure. Eve was coming back to him, with her strange
shadowy eyes and red mouth, and her frivolity beneath which lay some
force which was not frivolous. There were women who were primarily
pretty; women who were primarily motherly; women who, like Mrs Robert
Davenant, were primarily efficient, commanding, successful, metallic;
women who, like Kato, were consumed by a flame of purpose which broke,
hot and scorching, from their speech and burned relentlessly in their
eyes; women who were primarily vain and trifling; he found he could
crowd Eve into no such category. He recalled her, spoilt, exquisite,
witty, mettlesome, elusive, tantalising; detached from such practical
considerations as punctuality, convenience, reliability. A creature
that, from the age of three, had exacted homage and protection....
He heard her indolent voice behind him in the room, and turned
expectantly for their meeting.
III
It was, however, during his first visit to the singer's flat that
he felt himself again completely a citizen of Herakleion; that
he felt himself, in fact, closer than ever before to the beating
heart of intrigue and aspiration. Kato received him alone, and her
immediate comradely grasp of his hand dispelled the shyness which had
been induced in him by the concert; her vigorous simplicity caused
him to forget the applause and enthusiasm he had that afternoon
seen lavished on her as a public figure; he found in her an almost
masculine friendliness and keenness of intellect, which loosened his
tongue, sharpened his wits, set him on the path of discovery and
self-expression. Kato watched him with her little bright eyes, nodding
her approval with quick grunts; he paced her room, talking.
'Does one come, ever, to a clear conception of one's ultimate
ambitions? Not one's personal ambitions, of course; they don't count.'
('How young he is,' she thought.) 'But to conceive clearly, I mean,
exactly what one sets out to create, and what to destroy. If not,
one must surely spend the whole of life working in the dark? Laying
in little bits of mosaic, without once stepping back to examine the
whole scheme of the picture.... One instinctively opposes authority.
One struggles for freedom. Why? Why? What's at the bottom of that
instinct? Why are we, men, born the instinctive enemies of order and
civilisation, when order and civilisation are the weapons and the
shields we, men, have ourselves instituted for our own protection? It's
illogical.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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