Chambers's Edinburgh Journal, No. 424: Volume 17, New Series, February 14, 1852Various
History
Chambers's Edinburgh Journal, No. 424: Volume 17, New Series, February 14, 1852
Various
Periodicals
of the worst men on the turf--all these accusations were brought to my
father by credible witnesses; and, alas! they were too true to be
refuted. My father--Heaven and the holy saints bless his gray
head!--kept them from me as long as he could. He forgave him again and
again, and used every means that love and reason could employ to bring
him back into the way of right; but he could do nothing against the
force of such fatal habits as those to which my poor Laurence had now
become wedded. With every good intention, and with much strong love
for me burning sadly amid the wreck of his virtues, he yet would not
refrain: the Evil One had overcome him; he was his prey here and
hereafter. O no--not hereafter!' she added, raising her hands and eyes
to heaven, 'if prayer, if fasting, patient vigil, incessant striving,
may procure him pardon--not for ever his prey! Our engagement was
broken off; and this step, necessary as it was, completed his ruin. He
died'--Here a strong shudder shook her from head to foot, and I half
rose, in alarm. The next instant she was calm.
'Now, you know my history,' continued she. 'It is a tragedy of real
life, which you will do well, young painter, to compare with your
own!' With a kindly pressure of the hand, and a gentle smile--oh! so
sweet, so pure, and heavenly!--Julia Reay left me; while I sat
perfectly awed--that is the only word I can use--with the revelation
which she had made both of her history and of her own grand soul.
'Come with me to my study,' said Mr Reay, entering the room; 'I have a
world to talk to you about. You go to-morrow, you say. I am sorry for
it; but I must therefore settle my business with you in good time
to-day.'
I followed him mechanically, for I was undergoing a mental castigation
which rather disturbed me. Indeed, like a young fool--as eager in
self-reproach as in self-glorification--I was so occupied in inwardly
calling myself hard names, that even when my host gave me a commission
for my new picture, 'The Return of Columbus,' at two hundred and fifty
pounds, together with an order to paint himself, Mrs Reay, and
half-a-dozen of their children, I confess it with shame, that I
received the news like a leaden block, and felt neither surprise nor
joy--not though these few words chased me from the gates of the Fleet,
whither I was fast hastening, and secured me both position and daily
bread. The words of that beautiful girl were still ringing in my ears,
mixed up with the bitterest self-accusations; and these together shut
out all other sound, however pleasant. But that was always my way.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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