New England 171 XVII. Which Presents a Decisive Incident in Our Campaign Against Old New England 176 ILLUSTRATIONS "SHE WISHED ME TO SUGGEST SOMETHING FOR HER TO DO" Frontispiece "WHAT DIDN'T THEY SAY? THEY FLEW AT ME LIKE WILDCATS." 60 "'IT'S THE VAN ALSTYNE CREST,' I SAID. 'IT'S A PROOF OF RESPECTABILITY.'" 86 "RADIANT IN SILK, LACE, DIAMONDS, PEARLS, AND RUBIES" 94 "HARRY'S PET COLLIE HAD COME UP TO THE BACK DOOR WITH A HUMAN SKULL IN HIS MOUTH" 148 "HE LOOKED LIKE A MAN WITH A WOODEN LEG" 188 FOREWORD It may interest, if it does not comfort, the reader to know that this little story is built upon facts. The ride of Harry, the hundred-dollar pimple, the psychological hair, the downfall of Roger, all happened, while the Bishop's Head is one of the possessions of a New England family. I. B. "CHARGE IT" I IN WHICH HARRY SWIFTLY PASSES FROM ONE STAGE OF HIS CAREER TO ANOTHER "Harry and I were waiting for his motor-car," said the Honorable Socrates Potter. "He couldn't stand and wait--that would be losing time--so we kept busy. Went into the stores and bought things--violets, candy, golf-balls, tennis-shoes, new gloves, and neckties. Harry didn't need 'em, but he couldn't waste any time and-- "'There's the car!' "In each store Harry had used the magic words, 'Charge it,' and passed on. "We were going over to Chesterville to settle with the contractor who had built his father's house. We had an hour and four minutes in which to do it all, and then--the 6.03 express for New York. Harry had to get it to be in time for a bridge party. "We climbed in. Harry grabbed the wheel. The gas-lever purred, the gears clicked, the car jumped into motion and rushed, screeching, up the hill ahead of us, shot between a trolley-car and a wagon, swung around a noisy runabout, scared a team into the siding, and sped away. "The town behind us! Country-houses on either side! A bulldog in the near perspective! He set himself, made a rush at us, as if trying to grab a wheel off the car, and the wheel got him. We flushed a lot of chickens. The air seemed to be full of them. Harry waved an apology to the farmer, as if to say: "'Never mind, sir, I'm in a hurry now. Take my number and charge it.' "'He struck a fowl, and, turning, I saw a whirl of feathers in the air behind us and the farmer's fist waving above the dust. "Harry would have paid for the dog and the fowl in money but not in time--not even in a second of time! Harry had an engagement for a bridge party and must catch the 6.03 express.