'Charge It': Keeping Up With HarryBacheller, Irving
General
'Charge It': Keeping Up With Harry
Bacheller, Irving
Didactic fiction; Humorous stories
"'He's got on my nerves and my conscience,' said Harry. 'By Jove! he
haunts me. When I heard of this mysterious Englishman to-day I got a
chill.'
"'You go buy yourself a small shovel and a pocket light to-morrow,' I
suggested, and at night go back in the hills with the Bishop's head
and bury it.'
"'And if I get into trouble I want you to take care of me.'
"I made no answer. It didn't seem necessary, but I said: 'There's
another matter of which I have come to talk with you. Our friend Roger
is in trouble.'
"I told him the story of Roger's downfall. It got under his vest, and
I added: 'Now, Harry, it's up to you to indulge in some more
philanthropy. You ought to help him.'
"'What--what can I do?' he asked in amazement.
"'Lend him the money--twenty thousand dollars. It isn't all that the
public will charge against you on Roger's account, but it will do.'
"'Harry sank in his chair and threw up his hands as if grasping for a
straw.
"'It's my whole allowance for the year,' he said, 'and I couldn't
appeal to the Governor.'
"'Nevertheless you ought to do it, for Roger told me that it was your
pace that brought him where he is.'
"'What an ass!' Harry exclaimed, and the old Bishop seemed to indorse
his view. 'By the blue beard of the Caliph, what am I to do?'
"'Pay it,' I insisted.
"'Pay it and die,' he groaned. 'I shall have to do it somehow, but
this kind of thing is grinding me.'
"'You can go to my ranch in Wyoming and live on nothing for six
months,' I said. 'When you get back I'll lend you enough to tide you
over!
"'I'll do it,' he said, as if it were the very straw he had been
reaching for.
"Then he began to tell me of other troubles. Marie had been decidedly
cool to Harry at the servants' ball. Then he had met her on the
street, and she had barely noticed him and hurried away, with the
young Reverend Robert Knowles at her side. Harry was, fortunately,
going slow, but he had received internal injuries and was suffering
from shock.
"'The old man is at the bottom of it,' I explained. 'You gave him a
dose from the wrong bottle. It p'isoned him.'
"'By Jove! What a prude he is!' said Harry. 'Upon my word that is one
of the noblest books I ever read--contains a great lesson, don't you
know? It takes you straight to the heights.'
"'Too straight,' I said. 'It turns out for nothing. It crosses a
morass to avoid going around. When you reach the high ground you are
covered with mud and slime. You need to be washed and disinfected, and
perhaps you've caught a fever that will last as long as you live.
Many a boy and girl have got mired in this swamp fiction that you
enjoy so much. There are many of us who prefer to go around the swamp
and keep on a decent footing even if it takes longer.'
"'We want to know all sides of life,' said Harry.
"'And would you care to see the girl you loved studying life in a
brothel?'
"'Well, really, you know, that's different,' Harry stammered.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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