"I shall look at pictures, buy what I need, nurse my rheumatism, my
headache; and I shall be for myself a more or less elegant, a more or
less well nourished, a more or less healthy animal,--which, believe me,
is still the kind and condition of life most desired. Here I cannot be
that beast which, from my soul, I wish to be."
"Thou art right, Bukatski. We, as thou seest, are sitting with our
accounts, also somewhat for this,--to become more idiotic, and not
think of aught else. When we acquire such a fortune as thou hast, I
don't know how it is with Bigiel, but I will follow in thy steps."
"Then till we see each other again in time and space!" said Bukatski.
A while after his departure, Pan Stanislav said,--
"He is right. How happy I should be, for example, if I had not
become attached to that child and Pani Emilia! In this respect we
are incurable, and we spoil our lives voluntarily. He is right. In
this country one is always loving some person or something; it is an
inherited disease. Eternal romanticism, eternal sentimentalism,--and
eternally pins in the heart."
"Old Plavitski bows to thee," said Bigiel. "That man loves nobody but
himself."
"In reality, this is perhaps true; but he lacks the courage to tell
himself that that is permissible and necessary. Nay, what is more, he
is convinced that it is needful to act otherwise; and through this
he is in continual slavery. Here, though a man have a nature like
Plavitski's, he must feign even to himself that he loves some one or
something."
"But will you visit Pani Emilia to-day?" asked Bigiel.
"Of course! If I were to say, for example, 'I have the malaria,' I
should not cure myself by saying so."
And, in fact, not only was he at Pani Emilia's that day, but he was
there twice; for at his first visit he did not find the ladies at home.
To the question where his daughter was, Plavitski answered, with due
pathos and resignation, "I have no daughter now." Pan Stanislav, not
wishing to tell him fables, for which he felt a sudden desire, went
away, and returned only in the evening.
This time Marynia herself received him, and informed him that Pani
Emilia had slept for the first time since Litka's funeral. While saying
this, she left her hand a certain time in his. Pan Stanislav, in
spite of all the disorder in which his thoughts were, could not avoid
noticing this; and, when he looked at last with an inquiring glance
into her eyes, he discovered that the young lady's cheeks flushed
deeply. They sat down, and began to converse.
"We were at Povanzki," said Marynia, "and I promised Emilia to go there
with her every day."
"But is it well for her to remember the child so every day, and open
her wounds?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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