"Hash!" thought Pan Stanislav. "All this is artificial, all
self-deception through a kind of exaggeration. But if a man accustoms
himself to this, it will become in time a second nature to him, and,
meanwhile, the devils take his reason; his energy and soul decay like
a corpse. A man may throw himself headlong into such a hole as Mashko
has, or into such a one as Bukatski. In both cases he will go under the
ice. What the devil does it mean? Still there must be some healthy and
normal life; only it is needful to have a little common sense in the
head. But for a man like Bigiel, it is not bad in the world. He has a
wife whom he loves, children whom he loves; he works like an ox. At the
same time he has a great attachment for people, loves music and his
violoncello, on which he plays in the moonlight, with his face raised
toward the ceiling. It cannot be said that he is a materialist. No; in
him one thing agrees with another somehow, and he is happy."
Pan Stanislav began to walk through the room, and look from time to
time at Litka's face, smiling from between the birches. The need of
balancing accounts with his own self seized hold of him with increasing
force. Like a merchant, he set about examining his debit and credit,
which, for that matter, was not difficult. On the credit side of his
life, his feeling for Litka once occupied the chief place; she was
so dear to him in her time that if a year before it had been said,
"Take her as your own child," he would have taken her, and considered
that he had something to live for. But now this relation was only a
remembrance, and from the rubric of happiness it had passed over to
the rubric of misfortune. What was left? First of all, life itself;
second, that mental dilettantism, which in every case is a luxury;
further, the future, which rouses curiosity; further, the use of
material things; and finally, his commercial house. All this had its
value; but Pan Stanislav saw that there was a lack of object in it. As
to the commercial house, he was pleased with the successes which he
experienced, but not with the kind of work which the house demanded;
on the contrary, that kind of work was not enough for him,--it was too
narrow, too poor, and angered him. On the other hand, dilettantism,
books, the world of mind,--all had significance as an ornament of life,
but could not become its basis. "Bukatski," said Pan Stanislav to
himself, "has sunk in this up to his ears; he wished to live with it,
and has become weak, incompetent, barren. Flowers are good; but whoso
wishes to breathe the odor of them exclusively will poison himself."
In truth, Pan Stanislav did not need to be a great sage to see around
him a multitude of people who were out of joint, whose health of soul
mental dilettantism had undermined,--just as morphine undermines one's
health of body.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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