This dilettantism had wrought much harm to him, too, if only in
this,--that it had made him a skeptic. He had been saved from
grievous disease only by a sound organism, which felt the absolute
need of expending its superfluous energy. But what will come later?
Can he continue in that way? To this Pan Stanislav answered now
with a decisive No! Since the business of his house could not fill
out his life, and since it was simply perilous to fill it out with
dilettantism, it was necessary to fill it out with something else,--to
create new worlds, new duties, to open up new horizons; and to do this,
he had to do one thing,--to marry.
On a time when he said this to himself, he saw before him a certain
undefined form, uniting all the moral and physical requisites, but
without a body and without a name. Now it was a real figure; it had
calm blue eyes, dark hair, a mouth a trifle too large, and was called
Marynia Plavitski. Of any one else there could not be even mention;
and Pan Stanislav placed her before himself with such vividness that
the veins throbbed in his temples with more life. He was perfectly
conscious, however, that something was lacking then in his feeling for
Marynia,--namely, that around which the imagination lingers, which
dares not ask anything, but hopes everything; which fears, trembles,
kneels; which says to the loved woman, "At thy feet;" the love in which
desire is at the same time worship, homage,--a feeling which adds a
kind of mystic coloring to the relations of a man to a woman; which
makes of the man, not merely a lover, but a follower. That had gone.
Pan Stanislav, in thinking now of Marynia, thought soberly, almost
insolently. He felt that he could go and take her, and have her; and
if he did so, it would be for two reasons: first, because Marynia was
for him a woman more attractive than all others; and second, reason
commanded him to marry, and to marry her.
"She is wonderfully reliable," thought he; "there is nothing in her
fruitless or dried up. Egotism has not destroyed the heart in her; and
it is undoubted that such a one will not think merely of what belongs
to her. She is honesty incarnate, duty incarnate; and in life the only
need will be to prevent her from thinking too little of herself. If
reason commands me to marry, I should commit a folly, were I to look
for another."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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