Sitting in the carriage between Abdulski and Bukatski, Pan Stanislav
hardly answered their questions in half words; he took no part in
the conversation, but kept up a monologue with himself. He thought
that in a couple of minutes that would come to pass of which he had
been dreaming whole months; and which till the death of Litka he had
desired with the greatest earnestness of his life. Here for the last
time he was roused by a feeling of the difference between that past
which not long since had vanished, and the present moment; but there
was a difference. Formerly he strove and desired; to-day he only wished
and consented. That thought pierced him like a shudder, for it shot
through his head that perhaps there was lacking in his own personality
that basis on which one may build. But he was a man able to keep
his alarms in close bonds, and to scatter them to the four winds at
a given moment. He said to himself, therefore: "First, there is no
time to think of this; and second, reality does not answer always to
imaginings; this is a simple thing." Then what Bukatski had said pushed
again into his memory: "It is not enough to take, a man must give;" but
he thought this a fabric of such fine threads that it had no existence
whatever, and that life should be taken more simply, that there is
no obligation to come to terms with preconceived theories. Here he
repeated what he had said to himself frequently, "I marry, and that is
the end." Then reality embraced him, or rather the present moment; he
had nothing in his head but Marynia, the church, and the ceremony.
She on the way meanwhile implored God in silence to help her to make
her husband happy; for herself she begged also a little happiness,
being certain, moreover, that her dead mother would obtain that for her.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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