of these conditions, in the rare moments when he was with his own
thoughts, he turned at once to that problem, which for him was at that
time the main one. He was subject meanwhile to various influences,
which, small in themselves, exercised a certain action, even because
he refrained purposely from opposing them. Of these was the influence
of Marynia. Pan Stanislav was not conscious of it, and would not have
owned to its existence; still the continual presence of that calm soul,
sincerely and simply pious, extremely conscientious in relation to
God, gave him an idea of the rest and peace to be found in religion.
When he attended his wife to church, he remembered the words which
she said to him in Warsaw, "Of course; it is the service of God." And
he was drawn into it, for at first he went to church with her always
not to let her go alone, and later because it gave him also a certain
internal pleasure,--such, for example, as the examination of phenomena
gives a scientist specially interested in them. In this way, in spite
of unfavorable conditions, in spite of journeys, and a line of thought
interrupted by impressions of every sort, he advanced on the new road
continually. His thoughts had at times great energy and decisiveness
in this direction. "I feel God," said he to himself. "I felt Him at
Litka's grave; I felt Him, though I did not acknowledge it, in the
words of Vaskovski about death; I felt Him at marriage; I felt Him at
home, in the plains, and in this country, in the mountains above the
snow; and I only ask yet how I am to glorify Him, to honor and love
Him? Is it as pleases me personally, or as my wife does, and as my
mother taught me?"
In Rome, however, he ceased at first to think of these things; so
many external impressions were gathered at once in his mind that there
was no room for reflection. Moreover, he and Marynia came home in the
evening so tired that he remembered almost with terror the words of
Bukatski, who, at times, when serving them as cicerone for his own
satisfaction, said, "Ye have not seen the thousandth part of what is
worth seeing; but that is all one, for in general it is not worth while
to come here, just as it is not worth while to stay at home."
Bukatski was then in a fit of contradiction, overturning in one
statement what he had seemed to affirm in the preceding one.
Professor Vaskovski came, too, from Perugia to greet them, which
pleased Marynia so much that she met him as she would her nearest
relative. But, after satisfying her first outbursts of delight, she
observed in the professor's eyes, as it were, a kind of melancholy.
"What is the matter?" inquired she. "Do you not feel well in Italy?"
"My child," answered he, "it is pleasant in Perugia, and pleasant in
Rome--oh, how pleasant! Know this, that here, while walking on the
streets, one is treading on the dust of the world. This, as I repeat
always, is the antechamber to another life--but--"
"But what?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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