Marynia did not complain even to herself of her husband. So far there
had not been the least misunderstanding between them. But she was
forced to confess that genuine, very great happiness, and especially
very great love, such as she had imagined when Pan Stanislav was her
betrothed, she had imagined as different. Of this each day convinced
her: her hopes had been of one kind; reality proved to be of another.
Marynia's honest nature did not rebel against this reality; but a
shade of sadness came over her, and the feeling that that shade might
in time be the basis of her life. With a soul full of good-will, she
tried to explain to herself at the beginning that those were her own
fancies. What was lacking to her, and in what could Pan Stanislav have
disappointed her? He had never caused her pain purposely; as often as
it occurred to him that a given thing might please her, he tried to
obtain it; he was liberal, careful of her health; at times he covered
her face and hands with kisses,--in a word, he was rather kind than
ill-natured. Still there was something lacking. It was difficult for
Marynia to describe this in one word, or in many; but her mind was too
clear not to understand what her heart felt every day more distinctly,
every day with more sadness. Something was wanting! After a great and
solemn holiday of love, a series of common days had set in, and she
regretted the holiday; she would have it last all her life; she saw
now, with sorrow, that to her husband this common life seemed precisely
what was normal and wished for. It was not bad, such as it was; but
it was not that high happiness which "such a man" should be able to
feel, create, and impart. But there was a question of other things
also. She felt, for example, that she was more his than he was hers;
and that though she gave him her whole soul, he returned to her only
that part of his which he had designed in advance for home use. It
is true that she said to herself, "He is a man; besides me he has a
whole world of work and thought." But she had hoped once that he would
take her by the hand and lead her into that world,--that in the house,
at least, he would share it with her; at present she could not even
flatter herself that he would do so. And the reality was worse than
she had imagined. Pan Stanislav, as he expressed himself, took her,
and had her; and when their mutual feeling became at the same time a
simple mutual obligation, he judged that it was not needful otherwise
to care for her, or otherwise to be occupied with her than with any
duty of every-day life. It did not come to his head simply that to
such a fire it was not enough to bring common fuel, such as is put in
a chimney, but that there was need to sprinkle on it frankincense and
myrrh, such as is sprinkled before an altar. If a man were to tell him
something like this, he would shrug his shoulders, and look on him as
a sentimentalist. Hence there was in him the carefulness of a husband,
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account