perhaps, but not the anxiety of a lover,--concern, watching, or awe of
that kind which, in the lower circles of earthly feelings, corresponds
to fear of God in religion. On a time when, after the sale of Kremen,
Marynia was indifferent to him, he felt and passed through all this;
but now, and even beginning with Litka's death, when he received the
assurance that she was his property, he thought no more of her than was
necessary to think of property. His feeling, resting pre-eminently on
her physical charm, possessed what it wanted, and was at rest; while
time could only vulgarize, cool, and dull it.
Even now, though still vivid, it lacks the alert and careful tenderness
which existed, for example, in his feeling for Litka. And Marynia
noticed this. Why was it so? To this she could not answer; but still
she saw clearly that she was for this man, to whom she wished to be
everything, something more common and less esteemed than the dead Litka.
It did not occur to her, and she could not imagine by any means, that
the only reason was this,--that that child was not his, while she had
given him soul and body. She judged that the more she gave, the more
she ought to receive and have. But time brought her in this regard many
disappointments. She could not but notice, too, that all are under a
certain charm of hers; that all value her, praise her; that Svirski,
Bigiel, Zavilovski, and even Pan Osnovski, look on her, not only with
admiration, but with enthusiasm almost; while "Stas" regards her
distinguishing traits less than any man. It had not occurred to her
for a moment that he could be incapable of seeing in her and valuing
that which others saw and valued so easily. What was the cause, then,
of this? These questions tormented her night and day now. She saw that
Pan Stanislav feigned to have in all cases a character somewhat colder
and more serious than he had in reality, but to her this did not seem
a sufficient answer. Unfortunately only one answer remained: "He does
not love me as he might, and therefore does not value me as others do."
There was in this as much truth as disappointment and sadness.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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