B[u]t hwen w[i] wont tu ekz[w]st [w]l posibel sh[e]dz ov sound, hwen w[i] wont tu fotograf the pekiuliaritiz ov serten deialekts, or me[z]ur the d[i]vi[e]shonz in the pron[u]nsi[e]shon ov individiualz bei the m[o]st miniút degr[i]z, w[i] then m[u]st av[e]l ourselvz ov thát ekskwizit artistik mash[i]neri konstr[u]kted bei Mr. Bell, and handeld with s[o] m[u]ch skil bei Mr. A. J. Ellis, the fiu onli wil b[i] [e]bel tu y[ue]z it with r[i]al s[u]kses. S[u]m p[i]pel s[i]m tu imajin that the pouer ov disti[n]gwishi[n] miniút diferensez ov soundz iz a natiural gift, and kanot b[i] akweird. It m[e] b[i] so in kweit eksepshonal k[e]sez, b[u]t ei no az a fakt that a cheild that had, az p[i]pel s[e], no [i]r for miuzik, and kud not si[n] “God s[e]v the Kw[i]n,” gradiuali akweird the pouer ov disti[n]gwishi[n] the ordinari nots, and ov si[n]i[n] a tiun. Sp[i]ki[n] from mei on eksp[i]riens ei shud s[e] that a gud [i]r k[u]mz bei inheritans, for, az lo[n] az ei kan remember, a fols not, or, az w[i] y[ue]st tu k[w]l it, an impiur (_unrein_) n[o]t, woz tu m[i] fizikali p[e]nful. B[u]t this apleiz tu miuzik [o]nli, and it iz bei n[o] m[i]nz jenerali tr[ue], that p[i]pel h[ue] hav a gud miuzikal [i]r, hav [w]ls[o] a gud [i]r for la[n]gwej. Ei hav non p[i]pel kweit [u]nmiuzikal, pozést ov a veri gud [i]r for la[n]gwej, and _vice versâ_. The t[´[ue]] natiural gifts, th[e]rfor, if natiural gifts th[e] ar, ov disti[n]gwishi[n] miniút degr[i]z ov pich and kwoliti ov sound d[u] not s[i]m tu b[i] the s[e]m. The r[i]al difik[u]lti, houever, hwich m[e]ks itself felt in disk[ú]si[n] miniút sh[e]dz ov sound, areizez from the ins[u]fishensi ov our nomenklatiur, from the [w]lm[o]st irrezistibel influens ov imajin[e]shon, and in the end, from the wont ov a f[o]nometer. A gud miuzishan kan disti[n]gwish betw[i]n _C sharp_ and _D flat_, a gud f[o]netishan betw[i]n a “l[o]-bak-nar[o]” and a “l[o]-mikst-nar[o]” vouel. B[u]t th[e] kanot [w]lw[e]z transl[e]t th[e]r sentiments intu definit la[n]gwej, and if th[e] trei bei aktiual eksperiment tu imit[e]t th[i]z t[ú] soundz or vouelz, the imperfekshonz ov the [i]r and t[u][n], b[o][t] in the sp[i]ker and the lisener, fr[i]kwentli render [w]l atempts at a miutiual [u]nderstandi[n] imposibel. W[i] shal never areiv at seientifik presi[z]on til w[i] hav a f[o]nometer for kwoliti ov sound, nor d[ue] ei s[i] hwei s[u]ch an instrument shud b[i] imposibel. Ei wel remember Wheatstone teli[n] m[i], that h[i] wud [u]ndert[e]k tu r[i]prodiús bei m[i]nz ov an instrument everi sh[e]d ov vouel in eni la[n]gw[e]j ov the w[u]rld, and ei shud [t]i[n]k that Willis’z and Helmholtz’z eksperiments wud s[u]plei the elements from hwich s[u]ch a f[o]nometer meit b[i] konstitiuted. Az s[ur]n az w[i] kan me[z]ur, defein, and r[i]prodiús, at ple[z]ur, hwot at prezent w[i] kan [o]nli deskreib in aproksim[r]t termz, the seiens ov f[o]netiks wil bek[u]m m[o]st fr[ue]tful, and asiúm its lejitimet pl[e]s az a _sine quâ non_ tu the stiudent ov la[n]gwej.