_Ips. (rhetorically)._ “A. B. C. D. E. F. G. H. I. J. K. L. M. N. O. P. Q. R. S. T. U. V. W. X. Y. Z. Y. X. W. V. U. T. S. O. N. M. L. K. J. I. H. G. F. A. M. little p. little t.” _Lady Bar._ “Beautiful! Superb! Ipsden has been taking lessons on the thinking instrument.” _Hither._ “He has been _perdu_ among vulgar people.” _Tal._ “And expects a pupil of Herz to play him tunes!” _Lady Bar._ “What are tunes, Sir Henry?” _Tal._ “Something I don't play, Lady Barbara.” _Lady Bar._ “I understand you; something we ought to like.” _Ips._ “I have a Stradivarius violin at home. It is yours, Talbot, if you can define a tune.” _Tal._ “A tune is--everybody knows what.” _Lady Bar._ “A tune is a tune, that is what you meant to say.” _Tal._ “Of course it is.” _Lady Bar._ “Be reasonable, Ipsden; no man can do two things at once; how can the pupil of Herz condemn a thing and know what it means contemporaneously?” _Ips._ “Is the drinking-song in 'Der Freischutz' a tune?” _Lady Bar._ “It is.” _Ips._ “And the melodies of Handel, are they tunes?” _Lady Bar. (pathetically)._ “They are! They are!” _Ips._ “And the 'Russian Anthem,' and the 'Marseillaise,' and 'Ah, Perdona'?” _Tal._ “And 'Yankee Doodle'?” _Lady Bar._ “So that Sir Henry, who prided himself on his ignorance, has a wide field for its dominion.” _Tal._ “All good violin players do like me; they prelude, not play tunes.” _Ips._ “Then Heaven be thanked for our blind fiddlers. You like syllables of sound in unmeaning rotation, and you despise its words, its purposes, its narrative feats; carry out your principle, it will show you where you are. Buy a dirty palette for a picture, and dream the alphabet is a poem.” _Lady Bar., to herself._ “Is this my cousin Richard?” _Hither._ “Mind, Ipsden, you are a man of property, and there are such things as commissions _de lunatico.”_ _Lady Bar._ “His defense will be that his friends pronounced him insane.” _Ips._ “No; I shall subpoena Talbot's fiddle, cross-examination will get nothing out of that but, do, re, mi, fa.” _Lady Bar._ “Yes, it will; fa, mi, re, do.” _Tal._ “Violin, if you please.” _Lady Bar._ “Ask Fiddle's pardon, directly.” _Sound of fiddles is heard in the distance._ _Tal._ “How lucky for you, there are fiddles and tunes, and the natives you are said to favor, why not join them?” _Ips. (shaking his head solemnly)._ “I dread to encounter another prelude.” _Hither._ “Come, I know you would like it; it is a wedding-party--two sea monsters have been united. The sailors and fishermen are all blue cloth and wash-leather gloves.” _Miss V._ “He! he!” _Tal._ “The fishwives unite the colors of the rainbow--” _Lady Bar._ “(And we all know how hideous they are)--to vulgar, blooming cheeks, staring white teeth, and sky-blue eyes.” _Mrs. V._ “How satirical you are, especially you, Lady Barbara.”