_I_ used to skate; an' 'twas a sport of which I once was fond. Why, I could write my autograph on Tompkins' saw-mill pond. Of course to slip on runners, that is one thing, one may say, An' movin' round on casters is a somewhat different way; But when the fun that fellow had came flashin' to my eye, I says, "I'm young again; by George, I'll skate once more or die!" A little boy a pair o' skates to fit my boots soon found-- He had to put 'em on for me (I weigh three hundred pound); An' then I straightened up an' says, "Look here, you younger chaps, You think you're runnin' some'at past us older heads, perhaps. If this young lady here to me will trust awhile her fate, I'll go around a dozen times an' show you how to skate." She was a niceish, plump young gal, I'd noticed quite a while, An' she reached out her hands with 'most too daughterly a smile; But off we pushed with might an' main; when all to once the wheels Departed suddenly above, an' took along my heels; My head assailed the floor as if 'twas tryin' to get through, An' all the stars I ever saw arrived at once in view. 'Twas sing'lar (as not quite unlike a saw-log there I lay) How many of the other folks was goin' that same way; They stumbled over me in one large animated heap, An' formed a pile o' legs an' arms not far from ten foot deep; But after they had all climbed off, in rather fierce surprise, I lay there like a saw-log still--considerin' how to rise. Then, dignified I rose, with hands upon my ample waist, An' then sat down again with large and very painful haste; An' rose again, and started off to find a place to rest, Then on my gentle stomach stood, an' tore my meetin' vest; When Sister Sunnyhopes slid up as trim as trim could be, An' she an' her young fellow took compassionate charge o' me. Then after I'd got off the skates an' flung 'em out o' reach, I rose, while all grew hushed an' still, an' made the followin' speech: "My friends, I've struck a small idea (an' struck it pretty square), Which physic'ly an' morally will some attention bear: Those who their balance can preserve are safe here any day, An' those who can't, I rather think, had better keep away." [Illustration: "... WHEN ALL TO ONCE THE WHEELS DEPARTED SUDDENLY ABOVE, AN' TOOK ALONG MY HEELS."] Then I limped out with very strong unprecedented pains, An' hired a horse at liberal rates to draw home my remains; An' lay abed three days, while wife laughed at an' nursed me well, An' used up all the arnica two drug-stores had to sell; An' when Miss Is'bel Sunnyhopes said, "Won't you skate some more?" I answered, "Not while I remain on this terrestrial shore." [Illustration: FARMER STEBBINS ON ROLLERS.] WANT. [_From Farmer Harrington's Calendar._] FEBRUARY 5, 18--.