England -- Fiction; Gay men -- Fiction; Italy -- Fiction; Paranormal fiction
that elder twin of his who stood between him and the lordship he
coveted. And then came the humiliating collapse of his hate, before this
assault of love.
And now as he lay here hour after hour of sunny wintry days and fitful
sleep, it was not so much that he thought all this over, as that it was
presented to him from outside, like a picture on the wall, which too was
painted within his eyelids, so that when he closed them the images were
still there. He saw himself, risking everything for Dennis’s sake, not
because Dennis was his son, for that for many weeks now had been a solid
ground of hatred, but because he loved the boy. With whatever
incredulity he tried to counter that, it always slipped under his guard
and stabbed him. He was forced to admit it to himself for the wound it
made bled, but instinctively he covered it from others even as from
Dennis himself, to whom, the moment after the danger was over, he had
addressed those bitter and railing words, which came hot and fluent from
the instinct of his soul. But still the flickering fire of hate, doused
for that moment with deep and icy water, was alive, and day after day he
refused to see the boy and Violet. And though, as his bodily strength
returned, that fire burned more bravely, there was always present the
knowledge that he had betrayed the Lord and Benefactor who all his life
had done such great things for him. Was it in revenge for that betrayal
that he had physically collapsed like this? Was it a warning that those
whose souls were dedicated to evil had better not have commerce with
love?
There was but a day left out of Dennis’s holidays when Colin came
downstairs for the first time. He had debated with himself whether to
keep himself withdrawn till the boy had gone, but this would deprive him
of the opportunity of testifying that he still hated him. He must put
himself right.... And all the time, for other reasons than these, he
knew he wanted to see Dennis. Not even to himself would he admit that,
but in some closed cell the knowledge lurked.
Aunt Hester and Mrs. Stanier had gone: there were only Dennis and Violet
at lunch when he came in. Neither had seen him for these two weeks, nor
had they any clue as to his attitude towards them, except such as was
implied by his refusal to see them. They were not left long in doubt.
They had both risen on his entry.
“Ah, Colin,” said she, “this is splendid.”
He turned upon her the full bleakness of his face.
“We’ll take the splendour for granted,” said he. “Ah, there’s Dennis.
It’s splendid, isn’t it, Dennis, to have got rid of me for all your
holidays? That’s what your mother means.”
Dennis looked at him unwaveringly. The moment when Colin had leaped in
after him was so far more real than anything else that could be said or
done in the whole world.
“But she doesn’t mean that, Father,” he said, “nor do I.”
“Oh, you’ve learned to contradict in my absence, have you?” asked Colin.
Dennis was still radiant.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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