SIR F. (_aside_). That's a dig in the ribs for me! (_Aloud._) But we are wandering from our subject! Do you think Myrtle loves Vallance at all? LADY F. I fancy she likes him well enough! SIR F. "Well enough" won't do! She must like him a _great deal_ better--as I believe she would if we could only make her just a little bit jealous! LADY F. Perhaps so--but how? My lady's-maid is no beauty! The house-maid's no chicken! The cook's too fat! And there's no one else! SIR F. No, exactly! (_Here LADY FRITTERLY turns and goes up stage._) Are you going out this morning? LADY F. Yes, unless you wish for the pleasure of my society here! SIR F. Well, it would be a novelty! LADY F. And you promise to spare me the infliction of those melancholy exhibitions which you call jokes? SIR F. I'll be as dull as an undertaker! Suppose you put a few stitches into that smoking-cap of mine, which has been your sole occupation in needle-work for the last two years and a half! LADY F. Be it so! It's in my room--I'll fetch it! (_Aside as she goes up stage._) So--so--he's evidently got some "little game" on hand--which it will be my business to find out! (_Turning to SIR F._) Ta! ta! [_Goes out at door L. H._ SIR F. Poor, unsuspecting innocent, it's too bad to take advantage of her simplicity! Ah! here comes old Cosey for his forty winks--better and better--but he mustn't see me! (_Hides behind window-curtain._) _Enter COLONEL at R.; looks round._ COL. Nobody here! got it all to myself! That's just what I like! I was afraid of meeting Fritterly! He's a pleasant fellow enough in his way, but I prefer being _out_ of his way! To be within the sound of his voice is like living over a printing-office--one continual clatter! Now, then, for a little solitary rumination!--there's nothing equals it. Look at a cow--how she enjoys it! and isn't she the most peaceful of all animals? Who ever heard of a cow in a passion? See the touching resignation with which she allows herself to be milked! I wish Arthur had more of that docile animal in his composition! he wouldn't talk of doing something desperate! Now, then, for a delicious nap! (_Ties his handkerchief over his head and lies down on couch, and no longer in sight of audience._) SIR F. (_peeping from behind curtain_). Thank you, colonel, for your flattering opinion of me; but I'll be even with you! I wonder if he's asleep? (_advancing on tiptoe to couch_). Yes, sound as a top! Now, then, to call in Arthur! Stop a bit! let me first perform the part of the benevolent robin in the "Babes in the Wood," and cover this "Sleeping Beauty" up! (_Carefully spreading several antimacassars over COSEY._) There! now for Arthur! (_Runs to window and waves his hand._) All right; he sees me! _Enter VALLANCE at C._ ARTH. Well, you still stick to your plan? SIR F. Like a horse-leech. My wife will be here directly! ARTH. But Uncle Cosey?