American wit and humor; Caricatures and cartoons -- United States; United States -- History -- Humor
I have refrained from announcing in the foregoing chapter the death of
Columbus, which occurred May 20, 1506, at Valladolid, the funeral taking
place from his late residence, because I dislike to give needless pain.
B. N.]
[Illustration:]
CHAPTER II.
OTHER DISCOVERIES--WET AND DRY.
America had many other discoverers besides Columbus, but he seems to
have made more satisfactory arrangements with the historians than any of
the others. He had genius, and was also a married man. He was a good
after-dinner speaker, and was first to use the egg trick, which so many
after-dinner speakers have since wished they had thought of before Chris
did.
In falsifying the log-book in order to make his sailors believe that
they had not sailed so far as they had, Columbus did a wrong act,
unworthy of his high notions regarding the pious discovery of this land.
The artist has shown here not only one of the most faithful portraits of
Columbus and his crooked log-book, but the punishment which he should
have received.
The man on the left is Columbus; History is concealed just around the
corner in a loose wrapper.
Spain at this time regarded the new land as a vast jewelry store in
charge of simple children of the forest who did not know the value of
their rich agricultural lands or gold-ribbed farms. Spain, therefore,
expected to exchange bone collar-buttons with the children of the forest
for opals as large as lima beans, and to trade fiery liquids to them for
large gold bricks.
The Montezumas were compelled every little while to pay a freight-bill
for the Spanish confidence man.
Ponce de Leon had started out in search of the Hot Springs of Arkansas,
and in 1512 came in sight of Florida. He was not successful in his
attempt to find the Fountain of Youth, and returned an old man so deaf
that in the language of the Hoosier poet referring to his grandfather,--
"So remarkably deaf was my grandfather Squeers
That he had to wear lightning-rods over his ears
To even hear thunder, and oftentimes then
He was forced to request it to thunder again."
Balboa crossed the Isthmus of Darien, and, rolling up his pantalettes,
waded into the Pacific Ocean and discovered it in the name of Spain. It
was one of the largest and wettest discoveries ever made, and, though
this occurred over three centuries ago, Spain is still poor.
Balboa, in discovering the Pacific, did so according to the Spanish
custom of discovery, viz., by wading into it with his naked sword in one
hand and the banner of Castile, sometimes called Castile's hope (see
Appendix), in the other. He and his followers waded out so as to
discover all they could, and were surprised to discover what is now
called the undertow.
[Illustration: BALBOA DRYING HIS CLOTHES.]
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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