Confession; Or, The Blind Heart. A Domestic Story — John Shaqi
Confession; Or, The Blind Heart. A Domestic StorySimms, William Gilmore
General
Confession; Or, The Blind Heart. A Domestic Story
Simms, William Gilmore
Domestic fiction
It was my part to reply to the prosecuting attorney; but when I rose,
I was completely confounded. Never shall I forget the pang of that
impotence which seemed to overspread my frame, and to paralyze every
faculty of thought and speech. I was the victim to my own ardor. A
terrible reaction of mind had taken place, and I was prostrated. The
desire to achieve greatness--the belief that it was expected from
me--the consciousness that hundreds of eyes were then looking into mine
with hungering expectation, overwhelmed me! I felt that I could freely
have yielded myself for burial beneath the floor on which I stood.
My cheeks were burning, yet my hands were cold as ice, and my knees
tottered as with an ague. I strove to speak, however; the eyes of the
judge met mine, and they looked the language of encouragement--of pity.
But this expression only increased my confusion. I stammered out nothing
but broken syllables and incoherent sentences. What I was saying, I know
not--how long I presented this melancholy spectacle of imbecility to the
eyes of my audience, I know not. It may have been a few minutes only.
To me it seemed an age; and I was just endued with a sufficient power
of reflection to ask myself whether I had not better sit down at once in
irreversible despair, when my wandering and hitherto vacant eyes caught
a glance-a single glance--of a face opposite.
It was that of my uncle! He was perched on one of the loftiest benches,
conspicuous among the crowd--his eyes keenly fixed upon mine, and
his features actually brightened by a smile of triumphant malice and
exultation.
That glance restored me. That single smile brought me strength. I was
timid, and weak, and impotent no longer. Under the presence of habitual
scorn, my habitual pride and independence returned to me. The tremors
left my limbs. The clammy huskiness which had loaded my tongue, and made
it cleave to the roof of my mouth, instantly departed; and my whole mind
returned to my control as if beneath the command of some almighty voice.
I now saw the judge distinctly--I could see the distinct features
of every juryman; and with the pride of my restored consciousness, I
retorted the smile upon my uncle's face with one of contempt, which was
not without its bitterness.
Then I spoke, and spoke with an intenseness, a directness of purpose
and aim--a stern deliberateness--a fire and a feeling--which certainly
electrified my hearers with surprise, if with no more elevated emotions.
That one look of hostility had done more for my mind than could have
been effected in my behalf by all the kind looks and encouraging voices
of all the friends in creation.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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