combat, may still be left alive "who will be able to say that, in
claiming this solitary glory of my school-days, I am making no false
boast." The lonely, lugubrious little champion! One would almost have
been willing to have received from him a black eye and a bloody nose,
only to comfort his sad heart. It is delightful to imagine the terrific
earnestness of that solitary victory: and I would like to know what boy
it was (if any) who lent the unpopular warrior a knee and wiped his
face.
After he got through his school-days, his family being then abroad, he
had an offer of a commission in an Austrian cavalry regiment; and he
might have been a major-general or field-marshal at this day had his
schooling made him acquainted with the French and German languages.
Being, however, entirely ignorant of these, he was obliged to study
them in order to his admission; and while he was thus employed, he
received news of a vacant clerkship in the General Post-Office, with
the dazzling salary of £90 a year. Needless to say that he jumped at
such an opening, seeing before him a vision of a splendid civil and
social career, at something over twenty pounds a quarter. But London,
even fifty years ago, was a more expensive place than Anthony imagined.
Moreover, the boy was alone in the wilderness of the city, with no one
to advise or guide him. The consequence was that these latter days of
his youth were as bad or worse than the beginning. In reviewing his
plight at this period, he observes: "I had passed my life where I had
seen gay things, but had never enjoyed them. There was no house in
which I could habitually see a lady's face or hear a lady's voice. At
the Post-Office I got credit for nothing, and was reckless. I hated my
work, and, more than all, I hated my idleness. Borrowings of money,
sometimes absolute want, and almost constant misery, followed as a
matter of course. I Had a full conviction that my life was taking me
down to the lowest pits--a feeling that I had been looked upon as an
evil, an encumbrance, a useless thing, a creature of whom those
connected with me had to be ashamed. Even my few friends were
half-ashamed of me. I acknowledge the weakness of a great desire to be
loved--a strong wish to be popular. No one had ever been less so."
Under these circumstances, he remarks that, although, no doubt, if the
mind be strong enough, the temptation will not prevail, yet he is fain
to admit that the temptation prevailed with him. He did not sit at
home, after his return from the office, in the evening, to drink tea
and read, but tramped out in the streets, and tried to see life and be
jolly on £90 a year. He borrowed four pounds of a money-lender, to
augment his resources, and found, after a few years, that he had paid
him two hundred pounds for the accommodation. He met with every variety
of absurd and disastrous adventure. The mother of a young woman with
whom he had had an innocent flirtation in the country appeared one day
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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