with which I entered the silent wood in early morning to examine my
snares, the exhilaration when I found a poor partridge in the noose,
limp and dead, with a white film drawn over her eyes. Pity for bird or
beast or human beings was an unknown feeling then: I liked to torment
such life as I had power over, to see it suffer. The sale of partridges
furnished me with considerable spending money; for what I spent it, I
know not. I am only certain I did not hoard it, as I have never found
any ancient silver pieces in my purse or pockets. I can think of no more
entertaining account book than one which should show the acquisition and
outlay of a boy's money; his financial statement from his fifth to his
fifteenth year. I should like to audit such an account and, however, it
came out I would agree to find it correctly cast, balanced and properly
vouched; for a boy always gets his money's worth and thinks he has what
he wants. In his trades with other boys, money seldom plays any part,
and the little swindler always believes he has got the best of the
bargain. And why? Because he has what he coveted, and what was
another's. Somehow the other fellow's knife is a little better than his
own, it is three blades to his two. When he finds the cheat he has only
to swap again. In this way I traded a dozen times in one summer and came
out with one blade, but a bright brass haft.
By this time I could read and even imitate the copies set in the writing
books. This, however, was not the real method by which I had learned to
use the pen or rather pencil. Much more skill was acquired in little
notes to Launa Probana during school hours, passed furtively under the
desks and benches or hidden in a book which I was suddenly anxious to
borrow or lend. What nothings we wrote! With what pains and searchings
of the brain for words! Still I filled my bit of paper while Launa wrote
only three words, yet her name signed in the tiniest letters satisfied
me. With that name in my vest pocket I felt her near me, fixed my
attention upon my book again, and learned my lessons more easily. I was
conscious that she watched all my movements out of the corner of her
eye, and at recitations it was she, who, when I hesitated and was lost,
bending her head down so as not to be observed by the teacher, whispered
softly the right word and saved me from shame. Thus in a thousand ways
she repaid the boy's devotion, and however out-spelt or out-grammared he
might be, where he stood, was for her the head of the class. What
lessons we learned, not in any book nor taught by any teacher! After a
year or two more of winter saw-mill and summer school my teacher thought
I was old enough to write compositions, an exercise usual in all New
England common schools. Long before this I thought myself competent and
was ambitious to begin. It seemed too much a school exercise to be
undertaken out of it. I saw the older pupils on appointed afternoons
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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