stand up in their places and read from their slates the compositions
they had written. It fired my ambition beyond any of the other exercises
or lessons. It seemed to me the very pinnacle of greatness to stand up
and read a composition before the whole school. How I labored over my
first little essay, not being able to think of anything, or to find
language; how I began without any real beginning sentences that had no
end; how I strung together words without connection or sense, how the
whole school tittered and made faces as I read, how I sat down flushed,
trembling, completely overwhelmed with mortification, it pains me even
to remember. What would Launa care for me now! Without seeming to notice
her I looked over to where she sat and saw that she was weeping. I did
not speak to her for a whole week. Thus I punished myself, and all the
week pondered how I could write something which should make her again
proud of me and reinstate myself with my teacher and schoolmates.
Suddenly it occurred to me that next time I would choose a subject of
which I knew something. Wonderful discovery, which has been of use to me
ever since; a bit as well as reins--this is the reason why I have not
been a prolific writer. Between one book and the next I am totally
forgotten. I found also thus early that one needs a muse. I had made a
blunder in not taking Launa into my counsels, say rather into my mind,
for I had never once thought of her while writing, nor that she would be
my audience. No, I thought only of myself, and the distinction I should
win all for myself. Thus experienced, I did not repeat my mistake. When
we were next called upon for compositions, I coaxed Launa to go with me
at the nooning to the shade of the old blacksmith shop, where I proposed
that we should write them together. There sentence by sentence I made my
little essay, covering one side of my slate, with Launa for inspirer and
critic. My subject was the saw-mill, that one I knew best. There was a
pricking of ears in the school-room when I named my humble subject, and
an elder boy by my side whispered, "Now, give us some sawdust." I
prospered this time and won a smile from Launa. Had I helped her at all
in her own composition? I know not; yet when she read, it seemed to me I
had written it myself. Such has always been my experience in regard to
writing which I have admired, and thought I could do as well--until I
tried.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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