“He dares to propose such women to a man like you!”
And Saniel repeated all that Caffie had said to him about these two
women.
“What a monster he is!” Phillis said.
“While he was telling me these things I thought of what you said--that
if some one killed him, it would be no more than he deserved.”
“That is perfectly true.”
“Nothing would have been easier than for me to have made away with him.
He had the toothache, and when he showed me his teeth I could easily
have strangled him. We were alone, and a miserable diabetic, such as he
is, who has not more than six months to live, I am sure, could not have
resisted a grasp like this. I could take his keys from his pocket, open
his safe, and take the thirty, forty, sixty thousand francs that I saw
heaped up there. The devil take me if it were ever discovered. A
doctor does not strangle his patients, he poisons them. He kills them
scientifically, not brutally.”
“People who have no conscience can do such things; but for us they are
impossible.”
“I assure you it is not conscience that would have restrained me.”
“The fear of remorse, if I may use an ugly word.”
“But intelligent persons have no remorse, my dear child, because they
reason before the deed, and not after. Before acting they weigh the pros
and cons, and know what the consequences of their actions will be to
others as well as to themselves. If this previous examination proves
to them that for some reason or other they may act, they will always be
calm, assured that they will feel no remorse, which is only the reproach
of conscience.”
“Without doubt what you say is to the point, but it is impossible for
me to accept it. If I have never committed crimes, I have often been
foolish and have committed faults, many of them deliberately, after the
examination of which you speak. I should have been, according to you,
perfectly placid and free from the reproach of conscience; however, the
next morning I woke unhappy, tormented, often overwhelmed, and unable to
stifle the mysterious voice that accused me.”
“And in whose name did it speak, this voice, more vague than
mysterious?”
“In the name of my conscience, evidently.”
“‘Evidently’ is too much, and you would be puzzled if called upon
to demonstrate this evidence; whereas, nothing is more uncertain and
elusive than the thing that is called conscience, which is in reality
only an affair of environment and of education.”
“I do not understand.”
“Does your conscience tell you it is a crime to love me?”
“No, decidedly.”
“You see, then, that you have a personal way of understanding what is
good and bad, which is not that of our country, where it is admitted,
from the religious and from the social point of view, that a young
girl is guilty when she has a lover. Of course, you see, also, that
conscience is a bad weighing-machine, since each one, in order to make
it work, uses a weight that he has himself manufactured.”
“However it is, you did right not to strangle Cafflie.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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