Detective and mystery stories; Disappeared persons -- Fiction; Smuggling -- Fiction; Women journalists -- Fiction
Tubal was not without his pride in the accomplishment--a pride
tinctured with doubt which had been made acute that very morning when
he stopped in the post office for the mail. Certain of the village’s
professional humorists had greeted him with enthusiasm, and quoted from
his works with relish. Tubal had been very much put to it for copy to
fill the paper, and had seized upon every incident, great or small, as
worthy of mention, and as lengthy mention as he could achieve. He had
not used one word where there was a possibility of enlisting two. For
instance, after hearing it quoted, he felt there was some defect in the
style of the personal which stated:
Our fellow townsman, Herbert Whitcomb, has painted his large and
spacious and comfortable residence on Pine Street near the corner
with a coat of white paint. Herb did the job himself, working
evenings, but not Sundays, he being a Methodist and superintendent
of the Sunday School. Many assembled to watch our Selectman and
tyler of the Masonic lodge (Herb) working at the job of painting his
residence, and thus, besides showing public spirit in improving the
general appearance of our village, gave many something to do, there
being no other amusement in town. Good for you, Herb. That is the
spirit we like.
He had rather fancied the item about Jim Bagby, and considered he had
filled the maximum space with a minute piece of news.
Jim Bagby our prominent farmer and Democrat from north of town, has
been dynamiting out the stumps out of the pasture lot that he has
used to pasture cattle. Jim used for the purpose the best and most
powerful brand of dynamite he could get and the numerous explosions
of the dynamite, each blast removing a stump out of the pasture,
could be heard the length and breadth of the village. Dynamite, says
Jim, is the thing to make the wilderness blossom like a rose. Another
year we hope to see the pasture out of which Jim dynamited the stumps
covered with the verdure of potatoes or other garden truck.
Tubal recalled the mental anguish which went into the composition
of these and columns of other similar items, and solemnly renounced
forever the dignities of editorship.
“No,” he said, waggling his head gravely, “I calc’late Ol’ Man Nupley
done us a favor by leavin’ this sheet to somebody else.”
“She’ll be comin’ on the noon train,” said Simmy. “That’s when I quit.”
“I s’pose,” Tubal said, as he cocked his eye at a cockroach scurrying
across the floor, “she’ll favor Ol’ Man Nupley in looks. Seems like
that’s a cross heavier ’n any woman ought to bear.” He estimated the
rate of progress of the roach, and, as it were, brought down his bird
with a supremely skillfully aimed deluge of the juice of the weed. “If
wimmin is goin’ to insist on keepin’ on bein’ wimmin, they ought to see
to it you kin look at ’em without sufferin’.”
“Mebby she’s jest comin’ up to sell out,” said Simmy, hopefully.
“Sell? Sell this here rag?... Say!”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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