Cornelius O'Dowd Upon Men And Women And Other Things In General — John Shaqi
Cornelius O'Dowd Upon Men And Women And Other Things In GeneralLever, Charles
General
Cornelius O'Dowd Upon Men And Women And Other Things In General
Lever, Charles
Biography -- Humor; Essays; Italy -- Description and travel
“Just look at that beggar,” cried the Garibaldian; “if he has come in
here once during the last hour, he has come a dozen times, and all on my
account! And I mean to smoke three ‘cavours’ over my anisetto before I
leave. Waiter, tell the vetturino he’ll have plenty of time to throw
a feed to his cattle before I start. You know,” added he, “if I was
disposed to be troublesome, I’d not budge: I’d write up to Turin to the
Legation and claim British protection; and I’d have these fellows on the
hip, for they stupidly gave me a reason for my expulsion. They said I
was conspiring. Now I could say, Prove it; and if we only went to law,
it would take ten or twelve years to decide it.”
My companion now went on to show that, by a small expenditure of money
and a very ordinary exercise of ingenuity, a lawsuit need never end
in Italy. “First of all, you could ask the opposite party, Who was his
advocate? and on his naming him, you could immediately set to work to
show that this man was a creature so vile and degraded, no man with
the commonest pretension to honesty would dream of employing him. The
history of his father could be adduced, and any private little anecdotes
of his mother would find a favourable opportunity for mention. Though a
mere skirmish, if judiciously managed, this will occupy a week or two,
and at the same time serve to indicate that you mean to show fight; for
by this time the ‘Legale’s’ blood will be up, and he is certain to make
reprisals on _your_ man, so that for a month or so you and the other
principal are in the position of men who, having come out to fight
a duel, are first gratified with the spectacle of a row between the
seconds. However, at last it is arranged that the lawyers are worthy
of each other; and the next step is to demand the names of all the
witnesses. This opens a campaign of unlimited duration, for, as nobody
is rash enough to trust himself or his cause to real and _bonâ-fide_
testimony, witnesses are usually selected amongst the most astute and
ready-witted persons of your acquaintance.” “Oh,” cried I, “this is a
little too strong, isn’t it?” “Let me give you an instance,” said he,
good-humouredly, and not in the least disposed to be displeased with my
expression of distrust. “Some time back an American gentleman took up
his abode for some weeks on the Chiaja at Naples, and in the same house
there lived an Italian, with whom, from frequently meeting on the stairs
and corridors, a sort of hat-touching acquaintance had grown up. At
length one day, as the American was passing hastily out, the Italian
accosted him with a courteous bow and smile, and said, ‘When will it be
your perfect convenience, signor, to repay me that little loan of two
hundred ducats it was my happy privilege to have lent you last month?’
“The American, astounded as he was, had yet patience to inquire whether
he had not mistaken him for another.
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