It was almost six o’clock before Maud Gorka really regained
consciousness. A very common occurrence aroused her from the
somnambulism of suffering in which she had wandered for two hours. The
storm which had threatened since noon at length broke. Maud, who had
scarcely heeded the first large drops, was forced to seek shelter when
the clouds suddenly burst, and she took refuge at the right extremity
of the colonnade of St. Peter’s. How had she gone that far? She did not
know herself precisely. She remembered vaguely that she had wandered
through a labyrinth of small streets, had crossed the Tiber--no doubt by
the Garibaldi bridge--had passed through a large garden--doubtless the
Janicule, since she had walked along a portion of the ramparts. She
had left the city by the Porte de Saint-Pancrace, to follow by that of
Cavallegieri the sinuous line of the Urban walls.
That corner of Rome, with a view of the pines of the Villa Pamfili on
one side, and on the other the back part of the Vatican, serves as a
promenade during the winter for the few cardinals who go in search of
the afternoon sun, certain there of meeting only a few strangers. In the
month of May it is a desert, scorched by the sun, which glows upon
the brick, discolored by two centuries of that implacable heat which
caresses the scales of the green and gray lizards about to crawl between
the bees of Pope Urbain VIII’s escutcheon of the Barberini family.
Madame Gorka’s instinct had at least served her in leading her upon a
route on which she met no one. Now the sense of reality returned. She
recognized the objects around her, and that framework, so familiar to
her piety of fervent Catholicism, the enormous square, the obelisk of
Sixte-Quint in the centre, the fountains, the circular portico crowned
with bishops and martyrs, the palace of the Vatican at the corner, and
yonder the facade of the large papal cathedral, with the Saviour and the
apostles erect upon the august pediment.
On any other occasion in life the pious young woman would have seen in
the chance which led her thither, almost unconsciously, an influence
from above, an invitation to enter the church, there to ask the strength
to suffer of the God who said: “Let him who wishes follow me, let him
renounce all, let him take up his cross and follow me!” But she was
passing through that first bitter paroxysm of grief in which it is
impossible to pray, so greatly does the revolt of nature cry out within
us. Later, we may recognize the hand of Providence in the trial imposed
upon us. We see at first only the terrible injustice of fate, and we
tremble in the deepest recesses of our souls with rebellion at the blow
from which we bleed. That which rendered the rebellion more invincible
and more fierce in Maud, was the suddenness of the mortal blow.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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