England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; Families -- Fiction
Mr. Asquith was cheered, and yet not quite cheered, by these
encouragements. He was very happy, and yet quite miserable. Nothing
could take away from him the delight and glory which had fallen upon
him out of heaven in that homely green lane of Paradise. But--his mind
made a leap forward, or backward rather, to the things he had seen, to
the facts of life which he knew, to the hard, hard existence of poverty.
Had any man a right to drag down a woman, a girl so gently bred as Mary,
into that gulf? had any man a right to bring children into the world
with no bread to give them? He had held very distinct views upon this
subject, and had sworn to himself that he never would so sin against the
innocent, against the unborn. How often had he seen what followed in
other poor clerical houses! He had seen the pretty young bride, all
unthinking, all unfearing, pleased with her little house, and her
married dignity, dragged down into a careworn troubled woman, a
hard-working woman, with rough hands and a burdened mind, manual labour,
and mental care, her strength and her heart both failing as the heavy
years went on. To think of Mary, so young and sweet, so thoughtless and
lighthearted, so ignorant, bless her! of all these horrible realities,
sinking, sinking year by year into such a woman--and by his means! The
curate shrank within himself, his heart seemed to contract with a great
pang. By his means! all because he could not contain himself, could not
keep silent; could not love her without betraying his love. Oh, what a
thing it was, that highest of human sentiments, that it could not curb a
man’s tongue, or restrain his impulses! That a man should love and yet
not be able to keep silent, to spare the object of his love! He might
have loved her all his life, and his love would have been a sweetness
and a strength to him; but he ought to have respected her innocence and
her youth, and never have told it, locked it up in his own bosom. If he
had never spoken, God bless her! that would have given her a pang: but
had he gone away, in a little time she would have forgotten him. But
now, there could be no forgetting--now there was no going back--and she
herself would insist upon the consummation of this sacrifice, upon
giving him the solace of her sweet companionship, making him happy,
making herself a servant, enduring toil, and privation, and care for his
sake. For the curate knew that, whatever any one might say, it was the
woman that had the worst of it. He would have to submit that she should
be his servant, executing even menial offices, with those hands which he
might kiss and reverence, but whose work he could not do. The woman had
the worst of it: and he knew so many cases,--some where she had sunk
altogether into a half cook, half nurse--a careworn creature spoiled
with toil; and some in which she had developed into a patient angel,
sacred and consecrated in her labours and sufferings. Mary would be
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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