England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
I knew what was coming, all in a moment. I carefully shut-to the door,
put out my candle, and sate down to my fate. He seemed to find some
difficulty in beginning, for, if I had not heard that he wanted to
speak to me, I should never have guessed it, he seemed so much absorbed
in reading a chapter to the end. Suddenly he lifted his head up and
said,—
“It is about that friend of yours, Holdsworth! Paul, have you any
reason for thinking he has played tricks upon Phillis?” I saw that his
eyes were blazing with such a fire of anger at the bare idea, that I
lost all my presence of mind, and only repeated,—
“Played tricks on Phillis!”
“Ay! you know what I mean: made love to her, courted her, made her
think that he loved her, and then gone away and left her. Put it as you
will, only give me an answer of some kind or another—a true answer, I
mean—and don’t repeat my words, Paul.”
He was shaking all over as he said this. I did not delay a moment in
answering him,—
“I do not believe that Edward Holdsworth ever played tricks on Phillis,
ever made love to her; he never, to my knowledge, made her believe that
he loved her.”
I stopped; I wanted to nerve up my courage for a confession, yet I
wished to save the secret of Phillis’s love for Holdsworth as much as I
could; that secret which she had so striven to keep sacred and safe;
and I had need of some reflection before I went on with what I had to
say.
He began again before I had quite arranged my manner of speech. It was
almost as if to himself,—“She is my only child; my little daughter! She
is hardly out of childhood; I have thought to gather her under my wings
for years to come her mother and I would lay down our lives to keep her
from harm and grief.” Then, raising his voice, and looking at me, he
said, “Something has gone wrong with the child; and it seemed to me to
date from the time she heard of that marriage. It is hard to think that
you may know more of her secret cares and sorrows than I do,—but
perhaps you do, Paul, perhaps you do,—only, if it be not a sin, tell me
what I can do to make her happy again; tell me.”
“It will not do much good, I am afraid,” said I, “but I will own how
wrong I did; I don’t mean wrong in the way of sin, but in the way of
judgment. Holdsworth told me just before he went that he loved Phillis,
and hoped to make her his wife, and I told her.”
There! it was out; all my part in it, at least; and I set my lips tight
together, and waited for the words to come. I did not see his face; I
looked straight at the wall opposite; but I heard him once begin to
speak, and then turn over the leaves in the book before him. How
awfully still that room was! The air outside, how still it was! The
open windows let in no rustle of leaves, no twitter or movement of
birds—no sound whatever. The clock on the stairs—the minister’s hard
breathing—was it to go on for ever? Impatient beyond bearing at the
deep quiet, I spoke again,—
“I did it for the best, as I thought.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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