Science fiction; Short stories; United States -- Fiction
The snooker wobbled for a moment. Then it seemed to shake off the
confused commands and rose into the plane's path. The plane veered. The
snooker turned after it and rose steeply. Then it dove and slammed down
through the fuselage.
They all stared as the plane crashed into the supermarket. Above them
the pilot floated down in a parachute. He seemed to see the blinking
lights of the control panel and worked the chute calmly. He landed
through the hole in Rosy's kitchen. He came out of the house eating a
piece of cold chicken.
He wore an air-research uniform with a belt slanted across his chest
and high shiny boots, and in his hand he carried a Rommel whip.
* * * * *
He strode up to George and looked down at the blinking control panel.
With the toe of his boot he pushed a black button in the lower left
corner and squinted up at the sky, chewing the chicken. The snooker
obeyed instantly and resumed its original elliptical orbit.
"_Ja_," he said. "Very goot." He gazed out over the town, the clouds of
dust and the fires burning. "Excellent," he said, tossing the chicken
bone over his back. It hit Charlie in the face.
"You must be the dismantling expert," George said hopefully.
"I am more. I am the infentor of pressure snooker." He noticed Rosy
and Beth. "Ladies," he said, clicking his heels and bowing. "I haf the
honor to present myself. Vernher von Wissenschaft, at your serfice."
"Likewise," Rosy said. "Could you get my pressure cooker down before it
does any more damage?"
"Ha ha!" Vernher von Wissenschaft laughed. "Very goot! Pressure
_cooker_! Hm, goot way to deceive brutal enemy. Export five hoondred
tausend pressure cookers to enemy homes. _Ja_, I like it."
"You don't understand," Rosy said. "My roast will be ruined if you
don't get it down pretty soon."
"You cook rosht in my infention?"
"Biggest roast you ever saw," Rosy said. She hugged George. "You see,
this is our wedding anniversary and I'm dying to know how it came out."
"Rosht?" he mused, following the snooker with his eyes and licking his
fingers thoughtfully. "Why not? Maybe I make deal on side with Amerikan
Kitchen Appliance Inkorporated. If rosht comes out goot." He looked
at the broken houses and the firemen spraying the fires. "_Ja_," he
decided, "kill two experiments mit one snooker."
He waited for the snooker to pass overhead. Then he gave the control
panel a sharp kick with his heel, breaking it in two. The snooker
wobbled and exploded. Bits of steel whirred out over Sunnydale. A brown
cloud appeared above them and in a moment they were all drenched in a
rainfall of roast beef.
By the time the gravy hit them it had cooled enough to taste.
"It's wonderful!" Rosy said.
"Chust a minute," Vernher von Wissenschaft said. "Scientific experiment
not so fast." He removed a shred of roast beef from behind his ear and
chewed.
"Isn't it good?" Rosy asked anxiously.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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