Crying for the Light; Or, Fifty Years Ago. Vol. 1 [of 3]Ritchie, J. Ewing (James Ewing)
General
Crying for the Light; Or, Fifty Years Ago. Vol. 1 [of 3]
Ritchie, J. Ewing (James Ewing)
England -- Social conditions -- 19th century -- Fiction
In her new circle Rose had that natural feeling. It was hard for her to
live without her mother. That mother might be ill; that mother she knew
to be lonely and poor, and in need of her society and aid. It was her
duty, she felt, to be by that mother’s side. She intended to return, if
not to-day, at any rate to-morrow; to tell her mother all, how,
notwithstanding appearances, she was innocent as when she slept under
that mother’s roof. But the difficulty was to go back. Her mother would
believe her story, but nobody else would; and all her little world would
look at her in scorn. She could not face that little world that seems to
us so big. What was she to do? Like too many of us in emergencies, she
did nothing, and was overcome by the circumstances in which she had
weakly allowed herself to be placed.
Yet Rose was not happy in her heart of hearts, and all the while an inner
sense of fear, of something sad and sorrowful to come, restrained her
natural light-heartedness. Scandal had been busy with her name in her
native town. She could not ask, as she had done in her early days, the
blessing of God on her life. But she had burnt her boats, and for her
there was no return. She was clever, and was determined to cultivate her
powers. All her mornings were spent in hard study. She had masters who
made up for the defects of early education. The Baronet, who had left
London for a while on a shooting tour in North America, was to return,
and, of course, would marry her in due time; and then her fair fame would
be vindicated, and her mother’s heart would beat for joy. She was a born
actress, and her chief delight was to be found in the study of the
leading actors and actresses on the stage. Her musical talent was of a
high order, and she had a knack of picking up foreign languages that made
her the wonder of the extremely bad set in which she lived. She was
always busy, always in a whirl of excitement, and had little time to
think of what she was and whither she was going. She shrank from being
brought face to face with her real self. Whenever she did so she found
she really had gained but little, after all. It is true she was not
vicious, but, then, she had grown hard and worldly, and that is little
better in the Court of Conscience. Often she longed for her early home,
her mother’s side, her life of daily drudgery, the God of her early
youth.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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