"It is possible, Ansel, that you are trying to carry the same ambition into the kingdom of Christ. Perhaps you have wished in conversion some brilliant experience which would draw attention to you. Tell me how this is. Would you be satisfied to have a commonplace experience, such as thousands of others have, which would attract no special notice? Have you not formed an idea of the great and brilliant change you must pass through, and are you not refusing to take anything else from the Lord's hands?" Tears gathered in Ansel's eyes, and his face worked painfully. At length he answered: "Your question is a hard one to answer, but I cannot deny it; I am afraid it is so. I have heard persons tell of the great load of sin like a pack on their shoulders, and of the earth seeming as if it would open and swallow them up, of sleepless nights and unspeakable anguish, and then of light and joy, so that they could never doubt that they were converted. I have been expecting that I was to have such an experience, but I have not seen it. Is it wrong to wish for such an experience?" "It is certainly wrong to _insist_ upon such an experience. God leads each one to himself in his own chosen way. There was but one Saul, whom Christ met and blinded with the dazzling light. As a general rule, when a sinner makes up his mind in what way he will be converted, the Lord will disappoint him. If he fixes in his mind that he will not come to an anxious-seat, or will not confess his feelings till he can say that his sins are pardoned, or will not do anything else, the Lord will very likely bring him to do the very thing he resolved that he would not do. If he attempts to bring his ambitious aspirations into Christ's kingdom, he will be disappointed. 'The first shall be last and the last first.' Men become great in Christian service by counting themselves the least of all, and humbling themselves to become the servants of all. You need to examine yourself in this matter. If you have looked for something great and startling, be contented with something small and commonplace. It is an unspeakable privilege to be brought into Christ's kingdom in any manner. It is sometimes a great blessing to have a very unmarked and plain style of conversion. Such a convert is compelled to look to the truly scriptural evidences of a change of heart instead of resting upon the evidence, often deceptive, of a great and sudden illumination or a fancied voice from heaven. Some of the greatest and best of men have been unable to tell at all the time of their conversion. Richard Baxter could not tell even the year of his change. The best experiences I have known have been those where the converts could tell very little about themselves; they had been doing something else besides looking into themselves to watch the motions of their own thoughts." "I will try to do as you say. But what kind of evidence am I to look for?"