And lo there arose a mighty host called the Liberals, whose chieftain was named Gladstone, who was in himself a tower of strength, who with the Spear of Liberty sorely wounded the Tory chief, who was surnamed Dizzy the Isrælite. And, behold, it was in the dismal month of November,--the season so fatal to all shakey constitutions--that the Tories became alarmingly ill, and at the Great Election Battles found that their power was passing away, and that they were dead licked. And the victory that was gained by the Liberals was sorely painful to Dizzy the Tory Chief, for he had said in the fulness of his political health, “Show me the man who will tread on the skirts of my coat.” But his boasting was like unto the mountain that became pregnant, and brought forth a mouse. For Gladstone the Liberal put forth his foot, and lo, Dizzy’s Government was rent in twain. Then went the Chief of the Tories unto the Castle which lieth near unto the Great Park of Windsor, and threw himself at the feet of our good Queen Victoria, saying, Bill Gladstone, the head boy in our school at Westminster, has given me such a fright, that I feel quite white, and I am afraid if I stay any longer, the other boys will chaff me, and say, “Dizzy, Dizzy, I’ll have your curls!” Then did the Queen send for Bill Gladstone, and said unto him, Are you afraid, too? But Gladstone spoke up boldly, saying, Not I. Then said the Lady of the Castle, Get you back to St. Stephen’s, and be head teacher in the room of the boy Dizzy. And Sarah Gamp, of the Tory cess-pool, sung quite small when she heard of the disgrace her favourite boy had got into. And since the Great Election has taken place, it has been rumoured that certain Tories has been coming the Rachel dodge, and has been trying to make themselves beautiful for ever, by rubbing themselves with golden ointment, which has so dazzled the eyes of some of the free and independent electors, that they will not be able to see clearly until Gladstone and his friends settle the hash by giving us the ballot. Thus endeth the Lesson for the Day. Let us all say, For giving the command into the safe keeping of General Gladstone, oh, Queen, we give unto thee our thanks. We thank thee, oh, Queen. From being left to the tender mercies of the Tories. Friends of Freedom save us. Spare us, we beseech thee. And oh, Lowe, since Gladstone has duly installed you as Keeper of the National Cash-box, let us have none of your hanky-panky or Adullamite tricks, as you had at the time of the great Reform Meeting, when you charged the working-men with being a vile, degenerate, and beer-swilling crew. Now, Lowe, none of your moon-raking capers, or I shall give you another taste of my rod of correction. And, oh, Gladstone, give them a plentiful supply of Liberal pills, to purge them of impurity. Warm them, good Gladstone.