The captain needed more than throat balsam during the fortnight which followed. The widow Beasley's deafness was not her only failing. In fact she was altogether a failure, so far as her housekeeping was concerned. She could cook, after a fashion, but the fashion was so limited that even the bill of fare at the perfect boarding house looked tempting in retrospect. “Baked beans again, Cy!” exclaimed Asaph, dropping in one evening after supper. “'Tain't Saturday night so soon, is it?” “No,” was the dismal rejoinder. “It's Tuesday, if my almanac ain't out of joint. But we had beans Saturday and they ain't all gone yet, so I presume we'll have 'em till the last one's swallowed. Aunt Debby's got what the piece in the Reader used to call a 'frugal mind.' She don't intend to waste anything. Last Thursday I spunked up courage enough to yell for salt fish and potatoes--fixed up with pork scraps, you know, same's we used to have when I was a boy. We had 'em all right, and if beans of a Saturday hadn't been part of her religion we'd be warmin' 'em up yet. I took in a cat for company 'tother day, but the critter's run away. To see it look at the beans in its saucer and then at me was pitiful; I felt like handin' myself over to the Cruelty to Animals' folks.” “Is she neat?” inquired Mr. Tidditt. “I don't know. I guess so--on the installment plan. It takes her a week to scrub up the kitchen, and then one end of it is so dirty she has to begin again. Consequently the dust is so thick in the rest of the house that I can see my tracks. If 'twan't so late in the season I'd plant garden stuff in the parlor--nice soil and lots of shade, with the curtains down.” From the rooms in the rear came the words of a gospel hymn sung in a tremulous soprano and at concert pitch. “Music with my meals, just like a high-toned restaurant,” commented Captain Cy. “But what makes her sing so everlastin' LOUD?” “Can't hear herself if she don't. I could stand her deefness, because that's an affliction and we may all come to it; but--” The housekeeper, still singing, entered the room and planted herself in a chair. “Good evenin', Mr. Tidditt,” she said, smiling genially. “Nice weather we've been havin'.” Asaph nodded. “Sociable critter, ain't she!” observed the captain. “Always willin' to help entertain. Comes and sets up with me till bedtime. Tells about her family troubles. Preaches about her niece out West, and how set the niece and the rest of the Western relations are to have her make 'em a visit. I told her she better go--I thought 'twould do her good. I know 'twould help ME consider'ble to see her start. “She's got so now she finds fault with my neckties,” he added, “says I must be careful and not get my feet wet. Picks out what I ought to wear so's I won't get cold. She'll adopt me pretty soon. Oh, it's all right! She can't hear what you say. Are your dishes done?” he shrieked, turning to the old lady. “One? One what?” inquired Mrs. Beasley.